Postcards from the Funny Farm

My wife Sarah and I at my first HD gig 2005Anyone who says marriage is easy was never married. It’s also fabulous, amazing, miraculous, and satisfying when you learn and take the time to do it right. (emphasize learn)

He said, She said

When you talk with your spouse, you have to understand that at least 75% of the terms you use are being heard differently than you intended. For example: if as a husband I say to my wife: “I spent 35 minutes listening to this person’s story, it was so amazing!” she may or may not be hearing the following: “Instead of calling you on my lunch hour to find out how the kids were doing and about your flat tire that day (or whatever … you can fill in the blanks here), I decided a virtual stranger at work was more interesting so I devoted my time to them.”

Now, dont think the wife here is being selfish, she is not. She is simply interpreting her husband’s words through the details of her day. On a day where she may have been very busy and not at home to worry about the call or lack thereof, his statement might have been harmless, but on a day like the one she’s apparently had: he’s blown it!

Instead of trying to explain himself in a situation like this, the husband is better off apologizing and admitting fault, not because he has done anything terribly wrong but because he neglected her feelings in not calling and in not putting her first that day.

Some might argue that the wife here in this situation is being overly needy, maybe even a bit demanding. I would say no, she is not. If the person he is talking about is truly important to the family and the marriage, then the husband would have a gripe. But is this random story really worth putting above your wife and her feelings?

I have learned that it’s important to prioritize your wife above all else. Just think about all she does for you? My wife is my prize and there is no one more important on a human level. I used to try and stick up for myself in times like the one above mentioned, but I have realized through time that it’s in the best interest of everyone to acknowledge my wife’s feelings and admit that she SHOULD be my priority. These situations dont come up every day, but when they do I am glad I know the way through, and more importantly, I know my priorites.

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