Postcards from the Funny Farm

Ever been in a room of people talking and felt unsure of what was appropriate to say? Ever been embarrassed by a loose-cannon relative spouting expletives at a higher class party? What are the rules of conversation? It used to be in the 1600’s there were explicit rules of conversation that educated people propagated in universities ¹. Those who were not educated, had different rules (if any) in their conversations. Listening to a person in conversation was a clear indicator of her/his education level.

Some things have changed now in 2007 and some things haven’t. There are clearly still social boundary mechanisms that guide conversations ², but I think it’s safe to say they are more aligned to upbringing and social alignment than necessarily education. Furthermore, the tacit rules of conversation change to suit the situation. For this reason, I’ve titled these thoughts: “Situational Rules of Conversation.”

Just like rhetorical consideration of audience makes for more persuasive writing ³, so the tacit ⁴ rules of conversation, when respected, make the individual more liked, understood, and believed.

It would be great to be able to define these rules, as William Penn did in the 1600’s and others have done in times since, and be successful in our conversations. But since the rules of today’s conversation are situationally based, it’s impossible to bullet them all down the page neatly. We can however look at and define crucial rules of etiquette on a situational basis and derive conversation rules from there. Some examples of web-accessible etiquette rules are:

• Work ⁵

• Family⁶

• Emails ⁷

• Blogs ⁸

There are rules in all conversations. Being aware they are there, and seeking to discover and respect them is a trait of an effective communicator. In conversation, as a general rule of rhetoric one should try to please all while offending none. Any writer, or speaker who ignores situational etiquette will rarely succeed at persuading an audience. The one who respects it, at least has a chance.

1. William Penn 1600’s – Rules of Conversation [↩]
2. Social Boundary Mechanisms [↩]
3. Audience Consideration in Blog Writing [↩]
4. or . . . ‘understood by a community or homogenous audience’ [↩]
5. Work Etiquette - Monster.com blog [↩]
6. Family Events Etiquette - All Experts [↩]
7. Email Etiquette - OWL at Purdue [↩]
8. Blog Etiquette - Bella Online [↩]