Postcards from the Funny Farm

It is admirable to want to rush in and show a relative where she/he is messing up their life but if you are not willing to go the extra mile you might be better off to leave it alone. Take some time first, go do something physical, then make your call. Consider this article when you do:

Do you have relatives? Most everyone does. If you answered yes, do they ever drive you insane making bad choices for themselves and for their kids? Well you are not alone. I’ve said it before and I will say it again: boundaries must be set with family. This is a healthy thing. When you see people in your family consistently doing the wrong thing, tell them if you like but be aware it may hit you back. Did you know that lifeguards are taught not to swim out and hold a drowning man above the water? The reason is because he flails and it could take them down as well. That’s why they carry that red floater, to throw to the one in distress.

In trying to “get something off your chest” however well intended, you may be labeled “judgmental,” “ignorant,” or just plain “stuck up” as the relative inevitably “flails.” Sometimes “letting the chips fall where they may” can injure you. Still, your cares about this relative may keep haunting you like a salesman at the door. In that case you have to deal with it.

NOTE: If you suspect your loved ones are doing something harmful or neglectful to their children, skip the confrontation and please report them immediately to child protective services. I am absolutely 100% pro kids before any psychology-speak comes into play.

If it’s a lesser thing, just remember that it is hard to love sometimes. Before you act in love, make sure it is in love and not as a result of your pride. Most importantly, make sure that you care enough to go a few rounds with your loved ones. It may be you who is the one to “rudely” awaken them from a deep sleep of denial. Like any intervention, bring armor for your emotion most of all.

Last statement: If you don’t care, don’t speak.

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“What a trip” Las Vegas can be.
My 10 year old son Brandon and I are seen here sharing a couple cool ones (cokes that is) at “The World of Coke” museum in Las Vegas right in the heart of the strip. This is just one place we went on our vacation last week that were “family friendly” places. Las Vegas is a great place for adults: you can drink for free, gamble your nest egg (should you choose!), see great shows, dance, etc. But Las Vegas also offers plenty for kids as well. Our goal was to get into a mental place I call “vacation psychology.” I hope my kids made it there. From the looks of things, they did. I also had at least one event that got me in that zone. SCORE!

This Las Vegas slogan of recent years is kind of funny: “What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.” What do you think that means? I have my ideas. At first it sounds sardonic, mischievous, but I try to keep an open mind and accept everything until proven wrong.

There is a psychology in vacationing that is a “wow” so-to-speak. It takes you away from the daily grind and see something truly marvelous. Now does that have to be secretive? Not in my case. We went to a children’s museum that was ok, buffets that were tasty, and walked the strip to pick up tasty snacks here and there and all that was great. My kids did the “Build-a-Bear Workshop” and we ended up spending a hundred bucks on that. I know that sounds steep, but you should have seen their faces. All people, small or large, need to take care of their brain through vacation psychology.

Vacation psychology for me happened during a Cirque de Soleil type show. The announcer said that a recent “Miss Wyoming” was about to do an interpretation of that new song “Too Late to Apologize,” which I kind of liked already. She came out and did a ballet type routine suspended from two large red ribbons. It was the most amazing set of “human tricks” I have seen in a long long time. The song was moving and the amazing dexterity of this young acrobat was truly inspirational. Whether vacation psychology is better when it’s secretive, I will never know. In my case, I am glad that what happens in Vegas doesn’t always stay in Vegas. Sometimes it makes it to a blog and other people get to experience it too. (The YouTube video of “Too Late to Apologize” is linked at my online diary.)

Our parents occupy a space in our psyches that determines so many of our thought patterns. It starts when we are very young babies and continues on until even after they pass away and we ourselves become the unique parents and grandparents. If we are fortunate, our parents are people we can and should trust as children and into adulthood. For me, and many I hope, our parents give us unconditional love that enables us to do the great things we dream of. You see that kind of love in church and on religious jewelry, but rarely do we run across it in life.

When we are kids, mom and dad’s discipline is usually dreaded. It makes us angry. They tell us to not run across wet tile and to make sure we wear a coat outside when it’s cold. We of course resent these demands as children and automatically assume our parents are ordering out out of spite, envy, or just plain meanness. The craziest thing is that when we slip on the floor after disobeying or when we catch a nasty could and cough for not heeding our parents’ commands, we still resent them. It flies in the face of reason but I see it often in my own son and I remember the same pattern happening when I was young. Now, at age 39, I find myself hungering for advice from my parents. They give it when I ask but it is not the same. It’s like an unwritten rule that when you do become an adult, you have to find your own way. DOH! Reality bites sometimes.

We all have those blissful memories of youth and summer. Whether it was eating watermelon in the cul-de-sac or enjoying snow-cone or popcorn machines the grownups on the street rented for a special event like the Fourth of July. Or maybe it was just traipsing through the mud out behind the house or down the creek. There’s something about the discoveries and kaleidoscopes of youthful perception that stay in our psyche forever.

Some of you know I am taking a brief vacation from blogging. I’ve asked some excellent blogger friends of mine to do some guest blogging and so far Marcia has been kind enough to offer her muse during my “get my head together” and “recharge my writing batteries” time. This summer should be an amazing time for my family and I know I will be writing some of my best stuff. Furthermore, I feel a sense of arrival with my “inspiration” writing niche. I’ve had one other niche since I started, you may recall the “language blog” days … that ended up being forced. I’m hopeful I will stay excited about writing on inspiration until I am old and grey … well, old … I’m already turning grey ;)

A few others besides Marcia have shown interest in guestblogging so stay tuned for theirs. I should be back full-swing in a week or so. Thanks for being patient and checking back. For now, since it doesn’t require much effort on my part, I checked in tonight with a question for you:

What is the strongest memory of youth and summer you can recall?

This post was inpsired by a children’s book I read my kids a lot.

Did you ever think a choice was good and when you took it found you were stuck headed to a dead end? This happened to me once when I was 19. I had just quit my job at the grocery store (anyone out there old enough to remember Alpha Beta?) I had been in some power struggles with my boss there. He had been scheduling me when my band had gigs etc. paying no attention to my notes when I needed time off. You know, typical 19 year old “finding his way,” “challenging authority” type stuff. I quit and he told me I was welcome to come back anytime. I remember thinking: “Thanks but no thanks pal … I’ll never be back dude.”

I had a tough time finding a job at that time with no education and not much experience. The ones I did find paid diddly squat like a Christmas job I got at the mall selling ornaments. At that same time, my dad and I had started going at it as well. I was totally into my music and playing in my band wherever I could get a show. Anyway, he had been telling me that unless I got enrolled in college, I’d have to start paying rent. Doesn’t it seem like when the heat is on, life just turns up the burners? Well, for me at that time the key was getting moved out and making more money than I made as a clerk at Alpha Beta. Then it happened:

I called one of those “manpower” type placement services. After about 99 forms, they said they had a “match” for me. It was stuffing microchips into long plastic strips. Then, sealing them and finally shipping them to various places. I stood at a line all day doing these tasks and heard the most foul profanity and odd stories from an ex-con on my left, about 10 years my senior, and two other guys that resented my squeaky clean personality as much as the ex-con did. They wanted me out of there from my first minute on the line. After a week I wanted to quit so bad but I didn’t have the balls to walk off the job from my supervisor. After two weeks of hearing stories about what marijuana is the best and women with “inverted nipples,” I knew I had to get out.

If you’ve read the story by Maurice Sendak Where the Wild things Are it’s a very close parallel. Max gets mad and punished by his mom, sent to bed without any supper. He dreams of where the wild things are only it goes better for him, they make him their king. After a time he wants to go back and they don’t want to let him go. In my case they were like: “Don’t let the door hit your ass on the way out.”

About that time, I started looking into this college thing my dad kept forcing me into. As it turned out, college gave me a great career and a good life. I plan to pressure my kids the same way. For a little while they may flee to where the wild things are. But eventually They’ll come back to what’s real and what’s home … at least, that’s the hope all of us parents need to hold onto. After all, what do the wild things have that we don’t? I sure am glad I sailed in and out of a year to get back to my room where supper was waiting “and it was still hot.”

Did you ever stray out to where the wild things are?

I’ve written about many of my heroes here at the Funny Farm but none of them are quite as special to me as Dr. Seuss. Maybe it’s because he is a proponent of reading or maybe it’s because he is wacked out of his mind (like he’s from the funny farm here with us). Whatever the reason, I get inspired by Dr. Seuss and inspiration is the most valuable thing when you’re setting a goal for greatness. You are doing that aren’t you? Check out his life:

When Theodor Geisel was a young child, long before he would become Dr. Seuss, he used to mark in books. He had a set of books he had made his own by putting drawings and writings in. This should have been a clear indicator to his parents that one day his books would change the world. I am sure in their wildest dreams they never would have imagined what this young boy would one day do. Letting his imagination run wild was the first thing he did to set his dream in motion. These pictures made him happy. Following what made him happy would eventually make millions happy.

When Theodore got older and graduated college, he decided he wanted to write children’s books. He spent a lot of time and energy making his first book, an ABC book. No one published it. He felt rejected. He did not write another book for four years. This is identical to the experience of another great artist I have writ.... Neither gave up altogether though. Both rose to great acceptance after a major rejection. I think this is very important for us to note. Have you been rejected at something? How many years will you let pass you by before trying again. While we’re at it, can you imagine how cool it would be to have a copy of that ABC book that got rejected? Something to remember when people reject your work.

In 1936, Dr. Seuss was on a boat to Tudor. He heard the engines “talking to him” in the sounds they made. Standing there at the engine he “heard” the idea for another book attempt. This is probably one of the most quirky stories I have ever heard. That’s why I love it so much. I am like that. I hear my car creak and talk to me, I hear lots of strange sources of inspiration every day. I am also quirky. Are you? Don’t look at it as a bad thing. Being from the “funny farm” so-to-speak is a good thing. Just ask Dr. Seuss.

The quirky book that was borne out of the engine sounds was And to Think That I Saw it on Mulberry Street. Now 50 years later it is one of Dr. Seuss’ most favorited book by children all over the world. After that is time in a blender history. Dr. Seuss has published hundreds of books since then, as you likely already know.

Theodor Geisel had a goal: he wanted to write books that were easy to read. As he worked for that goal he brought millions of people happiness and taught millions to read: including me as a young child!

Currently set for release is Horton Hears a Who. A major motion picture created from another Dr. Seuss masterpiece. When millions watch it they will be seeing a product of a quirky writer who had a vision and kept at it. The message of this book is that even the smallest person can make a difference. What a message!!! We all wish he could have given us more. He is a lesson to me to never stop giving. No matter who tells you you aren’t good enough or smart enough or _____ enough, just remember Dr, Seuss and how the Funny Farm, or our quirky thoughts, can become the bank and do a lot of good on earth as well. March 6th is Dr. Seuss’ birthday. Read one of his books and start making your crazy dream happen!

Has the life of Dr. Seuss affected you?

Online dating helped me find and marry my soul mate Sarah. I even found her during the “free trial” period so the service was free! I thought I’d write a blurb about Yahoo! Personals because I feature them as an advertiser. It isn’t just demographics that makes me do so (most my core readers are married). On the other hand, I chose them because I believe in their product. Most of all, I feature their ads because it worked for me.

I remember at that time feeling quite lonely in a new town with a new job and Yahoo! Personals connected me with Sarah when I really had no friends or family around to help me meet people. (interested readers can find more details on our &#....)

It works like this: You sign up and upload a small picture of yourself (actually this is optional but it really speeds things up!) Then, you fill out some profile questions and send out a few emails to members that you are interested in. Some, you will find, are indeed certified loony cases. Just keep telling yourself “All you need is ONE.” From there, as you sort through replies you will undoubtedly start to make email friendships. You will find yourself at your parents for thanksgiving sneaking to the computer to see what your online romance has to say.

If it works out perfect like it did for me, you’ll get married within a month! That was 5 years ago and now my wife and I have a wonderful family with laughs and memories that keep on going. If you are single and wanting someone special or if you know someone in your friends and family circle who feels that way, get tuned in to Yahoo! Personals. Trust me, it can work. All you Need is ONE. (and don’t be surprised when the ONE plus ONE turns into one or more beautiful kids! Be ready because it can happen fast!)

Just before bed, my oldest daughter (3) gets a little antsy. She can sense it’s time to go to bed and she’s not having it, yet at the same time … she’s tired, you can always tell by the stuff she says and does.

I have been making myself a drink (non alcoholic) when I get home from work because lately I have been really thirsty. I try to mimic my favorite premium beverage SOBE Elixr Power Fruit Punch, but instead of the high priced stuff at home, I bought a big jug of fruit punch syrup and hypnotize myself. I fill a large tumbler with ice, pour a bit of syrup in, fill it with water and then make than clanging stir sound. MMMM just typing it makes me want one now. My daughter calls it “a red.”

The other night my wife and I told our darling daughter it was bedtime and she proceeded to whine and whimper. She jumped protectively into my Papasan chair (I tend to give her what she wants regrettably) with me and said in what was a 1/2 cry, 1/2 trying to hold it together voice … “I want to … have a red with dad.” Cuteness at a Kilimanjaro height.

We both couldn’t help but laugh and let her have a “red” before bed. Our nights between 8:30 and 11pm on any given date are filled with stories such as these. I’ll try and post as many as I can. Seems like these stages go by so fast.

What cute things have your kids said?

How honest is the world?
Politicians who say we are making progress in Iraq
A Court System that set O.J. Free
A government in denial about the national debt
American Idol represents “the best talent in the world.”
Santa Claus … ’nuff said

I teach my kids to be honest, however socially irrelevant it may be.