Postcards from the Funny Farm

Every Father’s day my wife and I have the same question: “What the heck are gonna get for him?” respectively. My dad is a successful guy who pretty much buys himself anything he wants throughout the year. At the same time I want to get him something that shows I care and how much I love him. Hence, the challenge.

Birthdays are the same thing. Well, I found a resource that will give me a lot of Gift Ideas on these occasions. It’s called Dad Shop and it’s based in Australia. Their Fathers Day is coming up, so especially if you are there or from there, this is a site you should check out quick. Heck, I’m recommending it to my wife, maybe she’ll use it to find me the perfect gift!

If you're new here, you may want to subscribe via -or-

This is a guest post by Derek from Derek Semmler dot com.

The other day Damien was discussing summer memories and asked about the strongest memory of your youth.

When my mind begins to wander through the collection of youthful summer memories, I immediately think of the flour fight that I had with my sister or the long summer days spent playing baseball with my buddies. Or the time that my best friend and I ran away from home, for all of three hours until we were caught when he insisted on sneaking home to use the bathroom.

While there are many pleasant memories that I could share with you, instead I want to discuss a not-so-fond memory from my youth and how I recently caught myself committing the same blunder with my children.

The essence of this memory is this: stop the criticism, inspire your children.

Throughout junior high and high school, I played football and hockey. While not the gifted athlete, I held my own pretty well in both sports and always put forth my best effort on game day.

After the game, I would usually catch a ride home with my dad. The memory that stands out to me about these post-game trips was not the acknowledgement of the goal I scored or the tackles that I made; but instead the criticism of how I should have scored two goals or how I missed three tackles. As a kid, I found this to be extremely frustrating and wanted to scream at my dad.

Looking back on these situations now, I understand that my dad meant well. He wanted the best for me and was attempting to offer his suggestions on how I could improve. But at the time I wanted no part of hearing the “help” that my dad was offering.

Now, here I am some 15+ years later and I recently caught myself following a similar pattern.

The Little League season just kicked off and my oldest son had his first game this past weekend. While he played a great game, making a nice play in the field and bringing in an RBI, he also had a few lapses.

As we walked to the car after the game, I shared with him that I thought he played a great game and then began to comment that he could have had two more hits had he not watched the ball and ran hard to first base. As I was beginning to tell him what he needed to do better, I had a flashback to the conversations that I had with my dad and I stopped in mid-sentence. When he looked at me, I just said that I thought he played great and I was proud of him.

When it comes to sports, I believe that many fathers want their son to be the superstar athlete - often times because they wanted to be themselves but never were. While the criticism is delivered with the best of intentions, unfortunately it rarely comes across as beneficial.

As parents, we need to stop the criticism of our children’s performance and instead offer our unconditional support and inspiration. If you feel that criticism is necessary, save it for a casual conversation days after the performance, not immediately afterwards on the trip home.

In an effort to inspire your children, try the following suggestions:

• Highlight the things that they have done well. Positive reinforcement of their performance will boost their confidence and they will revel in the fact that they have made you proud.
• Ask them how they feel they performed. Your child may very well be aware of things that they could have done better. Rather than offer your feedback, simply listening to them can be very rewarding.
• Be there for them. Is your child asking you to practice with them? Are you attending their performances? When your child looks for you, be there in full support of their activity.

The next time you find yourself beginning to criticize your child’s performance, stop yourself and offer a few encouraging words to inspire them to continue giving their best effort.

The memories will be much more enjoyable for both of you as a result.

I got that title from an old Alarm song. It’s a great tune with an even greater message for the visionaries among us in 2008.

Instead of waiting for others to be our inspiration, we have to be the inspiration to others AND to ourselves.

As you may have gathered from this series’ title, I grew up in Orange County. 45 minutes from Disneyland and 2 hours from the Mexico border. Nice living! When I moved up here to the high desert of California in August of 2002 I had nothing more than 300 bucks in my pocket and what seemed like a mystical job contract to teach public school. I left behind a rental apartment and everything else that had been “home.” I had decided some months earlier that a return to teaching was what my life and soul needed at age 33. You can read more about my transition back into teaching in my article entitled: Success and Relativity. Anyway, I didn’t mind the details of the move, I just knew this was my return to teaching and return to joy. It was as if I was in the story Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and the teaching job was my “golden ticket.”

The people I met up here, from the interview onward were magical. They saw the light in me and in turn I saw theirs. People offered to let me sleep on their couches, rent their condos, go out to dinner with them, set me up with women … note: I was single then … it was like out of a dream. The dream wasn’t so much about what they offered me though, it was about the light they shined into my heart. I remember thinking of the high desert as a magical place that no one in Orange County, where I grew up, could ever touch. Well, of course, I see now after nearly six years that wasn’t the case, it was merely my perception brought on by simple things people did.

The people were and still are magical but many have left the desert. One woman in particular who was instrumental in hiring me sufferred unspeakable loss when her son and his wife lost a baby in delivery. This world can be so harsh. She left the district and I don’t see her anymore. Others have retired and some have just moved on. I find myself sometimes asking: “Was the magic real? Where has it gone?” There you have the place to put my title: We are the Light.

In life we are lucky at times to be touched by the magic of others. We must never forget however that we have that same power to touch others. We see the light in people they often don’t see themselves. Let your words and actions pour light like water into the “vases” of people. Let them be better for knowing you. I’ll never forget the time my Grandpa had such an impact on me when he bought me a set of Callaway irons as a kid. I used to polish them nightly. Golf was a better game for me because of his generosity. That’s the kind of impact we should all have.

Remember also that the world is not always a mystical place. It is most the time, at its most complex level, just people walking on sand getting to their next destination. It takes people of vision, like you and I my friend, to to create the perception of magic.

The things that are eternal are actions and words you dream. Only you can start them. Only you can bring them back. Only you can keep them going. There really isn’t much to say on this except: GO AND DO!

An aside here at closing: Below are 4 of my family pictures. Each person in them “happened” post-desert … post-magic. Looking at them reminds me that home is where I probably need to shine the brightest, before I take on the world. Wouldn’t you agree?

Sometimes, the Mr. Mom day goes great! I was home sick playing Mr. Mom today and though the job is usually more than I can handle, it wasn’t half bad! Somehow I found what one blog I read calls Dad Balance. My son had an orthodontist appointment so dragging the 2 girls in diapers in the car and into the waiting room was probably the hardest part. After that, I simply dropped my son off at school and the rest of the day was pretty easy. I did learn that my 3 year old can never be left in the car, even when I am simply running up a driveway to sign my son in. She let out a wail that still has my ears ringing. Poor thing. Oh well, it was a learn as you go daddy day!

When we got home my 2 babies were playful and cute. I enjoyed their company and did the horsie ride thing for a while. When the 8 month old started screaming and eating her fist, I knew it was time for a ba ba and nap. For once, I was 100% correct! She took her baba and went down where she stayed for several hours (ahhh that is so nice!). My other daughter on the other hand was not ready to go down without a fight. I had some reading and writing to do that was somewhat important so I knew her hanging on me was not going to prove productive. I made a deal with her that if I gave her a fun bath with toys and then dressed her up warmy-warm (a term here, yes I know it sounds quite effeminate, don’t tell anyone) then she would go to a little nappy-bye (another term). She said NO! LOL I knew I was in for trouble. Anyway after a bath and dressing time that seemed to last over an hour, I finally got her into bed. Hearning the door click behind me as I left her room I felt a rush of accomplishment as Mr. Mom.

A little back-story: I was so fortunate today to have the best sub for my work kids today, as you know I am a 4th grade teacher.  Sarah, my wife subbed in my absence today.  I got my first “check-in” call about noon and was happy to report that things were going smoothly.  I was also pleased to say most my duties were done.

I know this success isn’t always the case for dads who try Mr. Mom, but I am very proud of myself. Now, if I can just convince my hard-working wife to take us all out to dinner! Making a meal just doesn’t sound like my idea of fun right now. Moms … I salute you!

My latest guest post, “Charles Schultz, Cartoons, and Goals” is now up at Dad Balance.

Here’s a quick summary:

Charles Schultz is an amazing example of how an idea as simple as a cartoon like Snoopy can start a brand and make billions of dollars.

Derek Semmler is the mastermind behind Dad Balance and I really appreciate him letting me guest post. The site’s theme is for dads but there are many women who comment there. If you have the time and interest, head over and give Dad Balance some much deserved traffic and comment count.

-Damien

If you are interested in having me guestblog for your blog for free, read the page explaining the process and contact me. Thanks! I hope to hear from you.