Postcards from the Funny Farm

Last time I wrote to you about the Power of Mantra. Before starting this as part two, Listen for Half a Day, I went back and read it again. I also took a nice long walk around my neighborhood admiring lawns and pink flamingoes, trying to make sure the next post was helpful and relevant to the series. The subject I realized today is another key tip in practicing an open mind.

As creative, enlightened people, we should actively practice an open mind by listening as much as possible.

I hope that will make perfect sense to you after I have given you many ways to do it through the course of this series. Please feel encouraged to subscribe to this series via -or- . I’m excited about how valuable this is in opening ones mind.

To make a quick example, listen to this “open mind” tip on traveling:

Usually cheap flights have no issues in the flight performance but are a part of an economical deal, and hence cheap. The deals usually promote hotels. But if one does want to travel cheap, the best way is to stay at a travel lodge instead.

Here, you see having an open mind can save you money, and peace of mind.  I learned this deal because I took the time to listen.  In doing so, that which I thought was impossible is possible.

We’ve all heard the statistics about how women have larger brains and how they are better listeners and better at many other things than men. I am not here to argue that at all. My wife knows full well how much I believe she is playing with a larger emotional deck that I am. What I want to stress is that I believe women and men, based on my experience of family, work, and life, are all generally poor at listening. In fact, it might be a cultural thing that we as Americans do not like to listen. Many are like me, we like to talk, fast, hard, and loud, no matter who gets hurt or shut out.

What if you could be more enlightened about what the people around you think?

The other day I caught myself lecturing my son on how his things were in every room in the houses where they didn’t belong (including a shoe at the bottom of the pool). As I rambled on and watched his bulbous brown eyes begin to well up tears, I listened to myself and it was not the ideal I have for myself. Ever done that?

It is phenomenal how much our mind is opened when we listen fully to someone else. Active listening is when you say back what the other is saying periodically and that is a good idea. But can you listen to people for half a day and not have a response? I’ve tried it and friends it aint easy. Just let what they are saying penetrate your mind, don’t respond except for the normal, OK etc. This is crucial to the experiment.

I could give you many statistics on how listening makes you a better person and such, but let’s just try the experiment what do you say? Starting right now at 11:26am until 6 or 7 tonight when I am doing my evening laps and jacuzzi time, I am going to listen. We haven’t been to church in a while and we decided to go to Saturday night services tonight … I might have picked the perfect day ;)

At any rate, whatever you do and whoever you interact with, this is a good exercise. I think you will be blown away at the paradigm shifts you experience and the broader, more open mind that you enjoy as a result. If you are a blogger you might try interviewing someone you respect. Heck, we may all decide to never speak again! …probably not, but it sounded like a good close. Whether you do this experiment or not, I’d love to get your comments on the concept of listening.

Remember: The goal of each of these posts is to give you a more open mind.

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I’ve been in a situation recently where my physical body/animal brain was moving me to retaliate against someone who offended me (actually a couple people) and at the same time my intellect was telling me to relent, or hold off until I’d calmed down. I won’t get into specifics because that’s not my point here. I’ll tell you I did relent and I am so glad.

Once I calmed down and reassessed the situation, I realized that while my feelings were 100% valid, they were not a good determiner of action. In fact, if my feelings had determined my actions in the professional environment, in this case I could have severed (possibly permanently) networks with key people likely to be in my circle until I retire. When the hot cools down from work days like that, you have some amazing realizations reclining at home or jumping on your trampoline. You have no idea what they will be in the heat of the moment.

So what did I learn from this and why am I sharing? Well, as I have said over and over, I write about psychology and inspiration here in order to better your life. It isn’t therapy for me. If it were you’d read a lot of bad words etc. I am thinking and analyzing my life all the time for good lessons to share with you. I hope these lessons advance you in your journey. That is why I blog on psychology and inspiration. In this post, my lesson is simple: In the professional environment, let facts not feelings determine your actions.

When you feel upset, insulted, or angry, these are usually products of a bruised ego and not the real you (as Eckhart calls the “being”). Relenting when you feel badly can help you recover your sense of being and throw off your ego. So, here are the three things I did when I was offended/mistreated recently at work. Translated into your life, I hope they help you save yourself some grief and advance like I did:

1. Get the facts written down.
2. Write down a note (official in wording) to the offending party(ies) stating the wrong done to you and DONT SEND IT. Put it in your wallet folded tightly closed.
3. Forget about it and go about your day.
4. Later in the evening, pull out the letter. You may be ashamed you wrote it, but keep it for 3 days. If the issue does come up, you will be upset and you can take the note out for the facts that emotion may cause you to forget.

That’s it! As I have said (to the rhythm of something Peter Piper Picked a Peck of Pickled,

I’m no expert on psychology but I have read more on psychology than some psychology experts :)

Now you’ve read some of that yourself, succinctly put in a blog post. At work, be a real man (or woman) and act on facts, not on feelings. Do what you have to do to stay cool. Another thing I do, and I have written on the value of a music CD, is make and listen to a CD of the best tunes I know.

Quick after thought: WATCH OUT! Something is at risk with this kind of talk, and it’s your job! You will be better off to use this approach but remember you should never forget any wrong done to you against the law or your contract. Write it down! All I am saying to do is to deal with it later.

Did you know that science has looked into anger and rage as they relate to the brain? The findings have been quite interesting. A Harvard study found that when subjects revisited tapes they recorded about events that made them angry or enraged they had measurable chemical reactions in the brain. The beginning of what I refer to here as possibility thinking is having an open mind. Many people in the media and in the everyday world struggle with anger and rage and so I’m tackling this issue in hopes it might offer understanding and direction to open minded people who are concerned with their anger and rage.

Here is a somewhat long quote (for me anyway) that explains what happened in the Harvard study better than I could. It is fascinating:

A look into the brains of normal subjects revealed that anger increases blood flow to a reasoning part of their brains, an area over the left eye just behind the forehead, technically called the orbitofrontal cortex. This flow inhibits thoughts of rage. At the same time, blood flow increased activity in the amygdala, an almond-shaped knot of tissue deep in the brain that deals with emotion and vigilance.

Angry feelings arising in the amygdala are normally cooled by activity in the frontal cortex, part of the thinking region of the brain. However, in some severely depressed people a lack of both recognition and control of anger, can lead to violent rage.

“All of us get angry from time to time,” comments Darin Dougherty, an assistant professor who led the research. “At such times, feelings of wrath in the primitive parts of our brains seem to be balanced by inhibitions of our will to act on those feelings.” Source

This process is like a miracle. Of course, the brain itself is a composite of so many apparent miracles it boggles any brain that seeks to understand it. Still we try. While one part of the brain is fed blood and reacts in anger, in unison other blood is fed to an area that controls inhibition that sort of keeps the angry thought under a lid. Of course, brain damage and mental illness can upset the balance of this process. This is why we see movies of people in mental hospitals screaming in rage without stopping. Somehow the delicate balance their brain was meant to have has been disturbed.

So what does this mean to me and you? Once again, it points us to the truths of Phineas Gage: our mind is a delicate instrument that needs care to stay in balance. When we are getting angry often we should ask ourselves: “Is this chemical?” Is there something disrupting the balance between those two parts of the brain? If so, there are likely drugs that can help … see a psychiatrist or a psychologist that has a practice in concert with a psychiatrist. There are so many triggers that make us angry and even despondent. It could be as big as someone ripping you off or maybe just suffering the empty results of top diet pills.

If you feel the issue has more to do with behavioral issues such as a recurring annoyance in the form of a memory or if you are suffering from some of the cognitive distortions, get thee to a therapist and discuss those issues. Or, you can go to a book store or library and do your own study on these issues. Personally, I would recommend going to a professional instead but just make sure you tend to the problem in some way.

Your brain is your lens to the rich pageant called life. Don’t let anger steal anything from you, there is no reason for that.