Postcards from the Funny Farm

If you're new here, you may want to subscribe via -or-

My wife invited me up as she was painting our son’s room. She’s sort of “owned” it as her task and art project and up to now she hadn’t invited me into the mall of plastic, masking tape, and drop cloths that is Brandon’s room.

As I saw her virtually collapsed under the window, I asked her what I could do to help finish the job. I could tell she was feeling overwhelmed so I started showing her how it would be easy for me to finish the last wall. It needed tape on the base and the top and it needed primering and then a couple coats of paint on top of that. At the time I had just received a $30 writing offer which for me is huge. I’ve been trying lately to get blog jobs that pay, but here my wife was virtually collapsed. I decided I’d be quite the selfish idiot if I put this job off.

I sent my wife downstairs with the order of getting some food. It was after noon and she was a little shaky from not having eaten yet. After she left I learned a great lesson. I looked at all the stuff that needed to be done and decided instead of trying to do it all, I would select a small part and do it perfectly. Then I did that. After that, I picked another one and so on. Within an hour, I finished the room. When my wife came up to check on me with a piece of toast in her hand, she was astonished at all I had accomplished.

She went out to the jacuzzi with our one and three year old, and I went downstairs where I was able to finish that big writing job. Victory! Lesson learned?

When painting, or life, gets overwhelming, map out chunks at a time to finish. Don’t get overwhelmed. Before you know it, you’ll be victorious.

This is a guest post by Derek from Derek Semmler dot com.

The other day Damien was discussing summer memories and asked about the strongest memory of your youth.

When my mind begins to wander through the collection of youthful summer memories, I immediately think of the flour fight that I had with my sister or the long summer days spent playing baseball with my buddies. Or the time that my best friend and I ran away from home, for all of three hours until we were caught when he insisted on sneaking home to use the bathroom.

While there are many pleasant memories that I could share with you, instead I want to discuss a not-so-fond memory from my youth and how I recently caught myself committing the same blunder with my children.

The essence of this memory is this: stop the criticism, inspire your children.

Throughout junior high and high school, I played football and hockey. While not the gifted athlete, I held my own pretty well in both sports and always put forth my best effort on game day.

After the game, I would usually catch a ride home with my dad. The memory that stands out to me about these post-game trips was not the acknowledgement of the goal I scored or the tackles that I made; but instead the criticism of how I should have scored two goals or how I missed three tackles. As a kid, I found this to be extremely frustrating and wanted to scream at my dad.

Looking back on these situations now, I understand that my dad meant well. He wanted the best for me and was attempting to offer his suggestions on how I could improve. But at the time I wanted no part of hearing the “help” that my dad was offering.

Now, here I am some 15+ years later and I recently caught myself following a similar pattern.

The Little League season just kicked off and my oldest son had his first game this past weekend. While he played a great game, making a nice play in the field and bringing in an RBI, he also had a few lapses.

As we walked to the car after the game, I shared with him that I thought he played a great game and then began to comment that he could have had two more hits had he not watched the ball and ran hard to first base. As I was beginning to tell him what he needed to do better, I had a flashback to the conversations that I had with my dad and I stopped in mid-sentence. When he looked at me, I just said that I thought he played great and I was proud of him.

When it comes to sports, I believe that many fathers want their son to be the superstar athlete - often times because they wanted to be themselves but never were. While the criticism is delivered with the best of intentions, unfortunately it rarely comes across as beneficial.

As parents, we need to stop the criticism of our children’s performance and instead offer our unconditional support and inspiration. If you feel that criticism is necessary, save it for a casual conversation days after the performance, not immediately afterwards on the trip home.

In an effort to inspire your children, try the following suggestions:

• Highlight the things that they have done well. Positive reinforcement of their performance will boost their confidence and they will revel in the fact that they have made you proud.
• Ask them how they feel they performed. Your child may very well be aware of things that they could have done better. Rather than offer your feedback, simply listening to them can be very rewarding.
• Be there for them. Is your child asking you to practice with them? Are you attending their performances? When your child looks for you, be there in full support of their activity.

The next time you find yourself beginning to criticize your child’s performance, stop yourself and offer a few encouraging words to inspire them to continue giving their best effort.

The memories will be much more enjoyable for both of you as a result.

Sometimes, the Mr. Mom day goes great! I was home sick playing Mr. Mom today and though the job is usually more than I can handle, it wasn’t half bad! Somehow I found what one blog I read calls Dad Balance. My son had an orthodontist appointment so dragging the 2 girls in diapers in the car and into the waiting room was probably the hardest part. After that, I simply dropped my son off at school and the rest of the day was pretty easy. I did learn that my 3 year old can never be left in the car, even when I am simply running up a driveway to sign my son in. She let out a wail that still has my ears ringing. Poor thing. Oh well, it was a learn as you go daddy day!

When we got home my 2 babies were playful and cute. I enjoyed their company and did the horsie ride thing for a while. When the 8 month old started screaming and eating her fist, I knew it was time for a ba ba and nap. For once, I was 100% correct! She took her baba and went down where she stayed for several hours (ahhh that is so nice!). My other daughter on the other hand was not ready to go down without a fight. I had some reading and writing to do that was somewhat important so I knew her hanging on me was not going to prove productive. I made a deal with her that if I gave her a fun bath with toys and then dressed her up warmy-warm (a term here, yes I know it sounds quite effeminate, don’t tell anyone) then she would go to a little nappy-bye (another term). She said NO! LOL I knew I was in for trouble. Anyway after a bath and dressing time that seemed to last over an hour, I finally got her into bed. Hearning the door click behind me as I left her room I felt a rush of accomplishment as Mr. Mom.

A little back-story: I was so fortunate today to have the best sub for my work kids today, as you know I am a 4th grade teacher.  Sarah, my wife subbed in my absence today.  I got my first “check-in” call about noon and was happy to report that things were going smoothly.  I was also pleased to say most my duties were done.

I know this success isn’t always the case for dads who try Mr. Mom, but I am very proud of myself. Now, if I can just convince my hard-working wife to take us all out to dinner! Making a meal just doesn’t sound like my idea of fun right now. Moms … I salute you!

My wife ordered me out of my Papasan a couple hours ago to get out in the bright sunshine. The season is turning from Winter to something warmer. We’ve applied for a home loan and she wanted me to look at houses. What I found while we looked astounded me, here’s why:

We looked at a total of 5 homes: all labeled on the front window as “BANK OWNED.” It was a staunch reminder that the high desert boom is definitely over.

In 2002, you could get a home up here for 80k. In the time since then we have seen the same home prices vacillate and peak out at 4-500: astounding. We’ve laid low and rented since 2002 because I’ve been getting established in my teaching career.  Plus, we weren’t looking to buy because my income as a teacher could never get financing for such high prices. That is why I am literally in awe of what opportunity lay before us now.

Each 4 bedroom home that we looked at today was well below 200k. This is right in the price range we can afford. Tuesday we find out the details of our loan acceptance, according to our officer: how much and whether it will be immediate or 3 months of cleaning up our credit. I feel very confident we will be accepted but I guess ya never know ’til ya know. Of course I will be recording it all here. As you know, that’s what I do ;)

Wanna move up here and buy a house?
Check out the Victor Valley Multiple Listing Service

Your jaw will drop.

I wanted to let the blog know that I had my observation and post-conference today. It went very well. I received a passing score in all domains and some very nice things were said about me in the write-up.Okay I can breathe now.

I’m not one to hide fear, I think it helps the world to show your weakness. It helps people more than pretending you are always 100% confident.

You may recall I published an article on BlogCritics this month about the whole process I was going through:

My article on BlogCritics on how to survive and th...

(esp. note my response to the first comment about inequity in some evaluation pr... for teachers … Amidst my optimism it’s important to note my view on that.)

-Damien

Online dating helped me find and marry my soul mate Sarah. I even found her during the “free trial” period so the service was free! I thought I’d write a blurb about Yahoo! Personals because I feature them as an advertiser. It isn’t just demographics that makes me do so (most my core readers are married). On the other hand, I chose them because I believe in their product. Most of all, I feature their ads because it worked for me.

I remember at that time feeling quite lonely in a new town with a new job and Yahoo! Personals connected me with Sarah when I really had no friends or family around to help me meet people. (interested readers can find more details on our &#....)

It works like this: You sign up and upload a small picture of yourself (actually this is optional but it really speeds things up!) Then, you fill out some profile questions and send out a few emails to members that you are interested in. Some, you will find, are indeed certified loony cases. Just keep telling yourself “All you need is ONE.” From there, as you sort through replies you will undoubtedly start to make email friendships. You will find yourself at your parents for thanksgiving sneaking to the computer to see what your online romance has to say.

If it works out perfect like it did for me, you’ll get married within a month! That was 5 years ago and now my wife and I have a wonderful family with laughs and memories that keep on going. If you are single and wanting someone special or if you know someone in your friends and family circle who feels that way, get tuned in to Yahoo! Personals. Trust me, it can work. All you Need is ONE. (and don’t be surprised when the ONE plus ONE turns into one or more beautiful kids! Be ready because it can happen fast!)

Just before bed, my oldest daughter (3) gets a little antsy. She can sense it’s time to go to bed and she’s not having it, yet at the same time … she’s tired, you can always tell by the stuff she says and does.

I have been making myself a drink (non alcoholic) when I get home from work because lately I have been really thirsty. I try to mimic my favorite premium beverage SOBE Elixr Power Fruit Punch, but instead of the high priced stuff at home, I bought a big jug of fruit punch syrup and hypnotize myself. I fill a large tumbler with ice, pour a bit of syrup in, fill it with water and then make than clanging stir sound. MMMM just typing it makes me want one now. My daughter calls it “a red.”

The other night my wife and I told our darling daughter it was bedtime and she proceeded to whine and whimper. She jumped protectively into my Papasan chair (I tend to give her what she wants regrettably) with me and said in what was a 1/2 cry, 1/2 trying to hold it together voice … “I want to … have a red with dad.” Cuteness at a Kilimanjaro height.

We both couldn’t help but laugh and let her have a “red” before bed. Our nights between 8:30 and 11pm on any given date are filled with stories such as these. I’ll try and post as many as I can. Seems like these stages go by so fast.

What cute things have your kids said?