Postcards from the Funny Farm

As I typed that title I caught myself for a millisecond thinking people might construe it to mean I have been wrong about something I have written on the blog. Naturally, I got defensive. Why do we as people fear being wrong so much? Maybe it goes back to our childhood when we would be sent to “remedial” classes to “remedy” us if we did poorly (wrongly) on tests. Nowadays the kids are almost 100% judged by their standardized test scores so they can probably relate. But as a whole I think you’ll agree that we as adults are very afraid of being wrong, it shows in our toxic words and actions.

I teased my mom the other day about how she was wrong about something … a pop-culture factoid that I don’t even need to mention (it’s too complicated). Anyway she felt the need to explain that I had it wrong and not she. That was okay, especially now that I’ve thought this post through. Ring any bells about discussions with your relatives? Who cares if we are wrong? Unfortunately, we all do.

Think about what you lose when you are wrong. Is it so valuable that you would give up your sense of peace and well-being over it? Is it worth arguing your case over?

Folks it’s okay to be wrong. I am wrong about 70% of the time in my marriage and I can still wear a smile on my face. I am wrong at work quite a bit too, sometimes it is my 8 year old students who point it out to me. Have you ever argued with a child about how you are not wrong? I have. It’s embarassing when you have time to realize how stupid it was. Like as if a stranger comes up to tell you you need more acne control. It feels strange and awkward. I TRY TO look at those type of moments now as teaching moments to model for them how to be wrong gracefully. Let’s face it, it is not automatic.

We grow through being wrong, we stagnate through always being right. If you want to be right all the time, go live on a desert island … it’s not gonna be possible even there. You will find however that no one is there to see you become “humiliated.” Funny how humble and humiliated come from the same root. The best people through history had humility and were not afraid to admit when they are wrong.

The next time it comes to your attention that you have been wrong, don’t hide from it. Look them squarely in the face and say: “Thank you, I want to know when I am wrong so I can be better.” Being wrong is not the worst thing in the world, being afraid of it might be. How do you feel about being wrong?

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The psychology of humility is very very interesting to me. C.S. Lewis wrote about it at length in his Screwtape Letters (1942). It is a fictional set of letters between a senior uncle and junior nephew demon. The uncle teaches the demon how to be better at screwing up peoples’ lives. One thing he coaches him to attack on is the area of humility and it is too funny how the advice rings true to an often-self-important fellow like me.

On prayers, Chapter 3:

“It is, no doubt, impossible to prevent his praying for his mother, but we have means of rendering the prayers innocuous. Make sure they are always very ’spiritual’, that he is always concerned with the state of her soul and never with her rheumatism.”

The guy praying for his mother thinks he is praying for her, but he is really being selfish. This can translate into non-spiritual psychology when we think we are being humble but really just becoming self-martyrs. Lewis’ book is short but full of wise insight into humility, spiritual and psychological. I recommend reading it.

People everywhere these days are consumed with themselves. I am no exception. We are always worried about how we will feel next. I have found that when we are truly humble, we complain less. We also are liked more by others. Just like in the quote above, if we think more about meeting other peoples’ needs instead of finger pointing, blaming, and dwelling on how they have wronged us, we will be happier people and better at what we do. At the very least you are guaranteed an open mind. Try thinking of others tomorrow before yourself. Heck, start today. Imagine yourself in discount home theater seating and the show is you starring in the Oscar winning show called “Your Life.”