Okay, so here’s another brain stretching suggestion: not quite as out there as how roller-coasters are good for your grey matter but close. Today my wife drove my Jeep and I rode in the passenger seat … whoa, what a difference. Everything looked different, even the radio. It got me thinking about perceptions. It does a human mind good to have a paradigm shift like that once in a while. It makes you realize your reality is so very subjective.
You might try mixing something up this week, just for a hoot. As you try the change, don’t be surprised if it opens your mind to new ideas. This is the stuff that “breakthroughs” are made of and science calls it a “paradigm shift.” I call it the stuff dreams are made of.
One place I have experienced paradigm shifts in my teaching job more than anywhere else in life has been in my parent conferences. Sometimes you never understand the kid until you meet the parents. Sometimes that brings all the planets of understanding into alignment. Of course there are always anomalies.
Make a change in your routine and invite a paradigm shift, it’s guaranteed to open your mind further. Just by doing the smallest thing differently you become a bit more enlightened.
Some ideas to stimulate your thinking toward a paradigm shift this week:
Walk around the house naked (for me lately it would be a shift to walk around clothed, sorry to curse you with with such a visual)
Play a CD you dislike in your car.
Put the most important stuff at the bottom and the fun stuff at the top of your task list.
If there is anything I give to my kids, I hope it’s the ability to distinguish between what is real and what is fake. I want my kids to recognize love when it’s real and run away from it when it’s fake. The same for friends, jobs, sales pitches, people, and the opportunities of life that present themselves. So, you may ask, what makes me think I know what real is? The answer is simple: I study it, identify it, and emulate it. If there is no model for real success in a given realm, I self-define it. If I had a magic mantra, I’d be a billionaire. There is no real shortcut to distinguishing what is real from what is fake. Each person must come up with her/his own definition. But you can practice at this ability. In some ways it’s the most important skill in life.
I once heard that bank employees go through a week long training where mostly all they do is spend time fondling and examining money. The idea being that if they are familiar with real money then they will more easily and automatically spot a counterfeit.
There’s the advice right there, the philosopher’s stone, the diamond in the rough:
Spend time with what you know is real, be it in the realm of people, literature, mathematics, religion, God (notice I made the two quite different things). Whatever it is that you hunger for in life, get close to the real. The fake will be revealed in the presence of the real.
Let me give you another example. Let’s say you want to be a success. There are minions of websites and corporations who want to define that for you. Some may be real, some may be a wolf in sheep clothing. Sp how do you navigate these waters? Define success. Watch examples of your definition. Get to know people who share components of your definition of success.
Spend time with the real and you’ll know how to spot a fake. Have you ever been duped by Amway or other MLM marketing scheme? Ask yourself this: would you have fallen so easily if you’d taken the time to define what success is for you? If I would have known (and I lost $500 when I was 20 at an Amway meeting) how real success was defined, I wouldn’t have stayed past the opening greeting with designer water and cashews. When you have defined success on your terms, no one can take away the growing happiness that results as you get closer to your goal. Have you ever bought into something you thought was real but really was a counterfeit?
Afterthought: One example of how I define success is my personal “CAN” ranking system for my b.... You can read more about this here. You might find parallels in your quest to define and rank the successes of your life.
My wife invited me up as she was painting our son’s room. She’s sort of “owned” it as her task and art project and up to now she hadn’t invited me into the mall of plastic, masking tape, and drop cloths that is Brandon’s room.
As I saw her virtually collapsed under the window, I asked her what I could do to help finish the job. I could tell she was feeling overwhelmed so I started showing her how it would be easy for me to finish the last wall. It needed tape on the base and the top and it needed primering and then a couple coats of paint on top of that. At the time I had just received a $30 writing offer which for me is huge. I’ve been trying lately to get blog jobs that pay, but here my wife was virtually collapsed. I decided I’d be quite the selfish idiot if I put this job off.
I sent my wife downstairs with the order of getting some food. It was after noon and she was a little shaky from not having eaten yet. After she left I learned a great lesson. I looked at all the stuff that needed to be done and decided instead of trying to do it all, I would select a small part and do it perfectly. Then I did that. After that, I picked another one and so on. Within an hour, I finished the room. When my wife came up to check on me with a piece of toast in her hand, she was astonished at all I had accomplished.
She went out to the jacuzzi with our one and three year old, and I went downstairs where I was able to finish that big writing job. Victory! Lesson learned?
When painting, or life, gets overwhelming, map out chunks at a time to finish. Don’t get overwhelmed. Before you know it, you’ll be victorious.
I just read that 460 million vacation days went unused last year by American workers … no wonder we have so many mental problems in our country! To all those people so worried about missing work I say this: “Be responsible, go on vacation!” This post was inspired by a discussion at Loose Suits.
Of course people with jobs that don’t offer sick days, like freelance writers and the like, might not click on this article. Theirs is a different dilemma that I could discuss at length as well. Having said that, we are all faces with the importance of taking vacations. So if we know how important they are, why aren’t we taking them? In my opinion, folks with vacation days would be “sick” not to use them!
Any problems we have at work and at home will get worse if we don’t use our vacation days.
I look at vacation days as a time to regroup. It’s a time to get romantic with your spouse. Vacations are a time to find inspiration in even those “nothing” moments. How many times have I taken a simple walk in a new place and had tomes of inspiration flood into my mind. It can heal what you thought was impossible stress. I have written my best songs while taking vacation time. It can be really tough to find the flights you desire, that’s why it is helpful to plan way ahead. If it is a priority and you are willing to wait you will fare better!
I’ve been highly stressed out at work before. (hasn’t everybody?) It can feel like radioactive heat burning you up … it deserves you a day off. After a “mental health day” the heat goes away. I get fresh new ideas that ironically make me more valuable to my employer. What? More valuable by taking time off? Yes. It’s a time to sharpen my axe.
I think the paranoia many have of getting in trouble at work for taking sick days is unwise. People need to get over it and just take those vacation days like clockwork. It just might be the difference between a promotion or being written up for lack of productivity. The article I read on this was truly staggering. The best argument for this is simple: Look at pictures of your loved ones over the past few years. When you do so you will see just how fast this thing called a lifespan is passing by. Is work that important to Americans? Do people think a real man doesn’t call off work ever? Do that many Americans really think they are heroes for not taking a vacation? Getting any getaway locations in mind yet? I am. Here’s a place to buy your travel supplies. Enjoy.
I asked myself a question today as I was preparing to go out into my Truman Show here at the Funny Farm here I call my life. The question was based half on Eckhart Tolle’s book, A New Earth and half on my own outlook on life. Blogs can be a great way to journal what is going on in your life while getting feedback as well. Since I am turning 39 June 9th, I am tending towards the philosophical side. I know you may find it hard to believe that I love it but I do. Happiness is found there as well I am finding.
We are all in a proverbial “funny farm” I think and so there are two sides of life we need to address to succeed, get out, and to be happy: 1) The side of neurophilosophy, or our physical brains, and 2) the cognitive side. This “present” idea is a cognitive idea. (and what’s cool about it is you don’t even get charged a copay here, though you may want to subscribe via -or- .
Anyway, Eckhart’s book is all about being “conscious.” (See here for another post I wrote about him) If I could count the number of times he uses that word, I would say it’s probably more than any other word apart from “the.”
It’s an awesome word to keep in your head all day “conscious, conscious, conscious.” If you have ever been unconscious (as I many times am) in a room you know how much you can miss just pretending to be there. I strive to be conscious always but today that is not my word. Today I am present.
Present is the word on the way to consciousness. Like water spilling over from a river into the sea, consciousness usually merges with present. Remember the annoying, idiotic boy in grade school who after every person’s name was called for attendance with a resounding “here” had to shout “present!” You know, the one the teachers always ranted about. Well I am/was that kid and the only difference is now I am shouting “present” on my blog. Here’s my simple goal today for being present.
Today I will be present by looking people in the eye
I will also say this mantra today every time I start to think I am becoming “absent:”
(YOUR NAME HERE), Present!!!
Here’s a question for you: maybe down the road we can get more deep, but for now: In what simple way can I move toward being present today? Here’s a picture of me a couple years ago fully present. Can every moment be that way? That is my goal.
Today I will be present by looking people in the eye.
As I close up this series, I am very proud of the idea. It moved my mind in places I hardly ever examine. To me, the ever elusive definition of a blog is encapsulated in a series like this: it helps me to write, maybe it will help someone out there to read. Have I mentioned I’m taken in with the blog phenomena? Maybe I didn’t have to. If you don’t have one yet, you really should start. I explain how to start a Wordpress blog in a recen.... But onto the need to relax …
Whereas the human animal reacts … the evolved human analyzes and second guesses. This is the only thing that separates us. I heard a story this week of a sub who couldn’t control her mouth. What a shame. Apparently the “F” word was uttered and some students when to the office to report it. Now, I am not saying kids are always angels, but they should be protected from people yelling profanity at them. Teaching is a profession, not a social program. If someone is not willing to put in the creative effort to manage kids, then they shouldn’t be doing it. We should all, whether teaching or not, be inspiring to the kids in our sphere. I fully expect this teacher to experience bad results as the effects of her actions. It’s too bad in a way because subs have it pretty hard. At the same time, this teacher was a grownup and she could have chosen to calm down and not yell the expletive.
Being calm and relaxing at will is not a optional skill for life. If you can’t be calm, you will one day face the consequences for it. Whether it is through losing your job or worse yet, physical and even terminal disease. It is proven that our temperament affects our bodies and so it follows that we must always strive to have a positive temperament. The alternative? Unemployment … divorce … sickness R.... Are all these worth purging your temper?
I feel glad that this series will always be here for me to go back to, and maybe for you when you find yourself unable to relax. If you treat your nerves and temperament with the same attention you would give your own child that you love, you will find you are much better equipped to enhance the world around you. If the minor tips in the series are not enough or if you just want more, I’d encourage you to seek out more knowledge. If you are a human, it will do you much good.
It’s pretty easy to find yourself completely overwhelmed with a seemingly never ending to-do list. We’ve all been there at some point or another, and many of us are there most of the time. I probably have at least 2 or 3 dozen things I “have to do” on any given day.
The other day I was at my “That’s it! I’ve had it!” point. I was yelling at the kids for no good reason and complaining to my husband about everything. There were a million things I had to do and no time to do anything I wanted to do. I was having one of those terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day kind of days.
That’s when my husband reminded me of something very important: You don’t have to.
Those 4 little words couldn’t be more true. What could be so important that you absolutely HAVE to do it? The dishes will stay in the sink. The laundry will wait. The kids will not suffer any severe nutritional consequences if you let them eat ice cream for dinner. You can cancel your morning appointments. You can call in “sick” or skip out of work early. You could quit your job and find a new one. You could pack up and leave for the Bahamas tomorrow and never look back if you really wanted to. Life still goes on.
Our lives are filled with thousands of things we can do and choices for us to make each and every day. No one is standing there with a proverbial gun forcing you to to do anything. Doing (or not doing) things like chores or errands or going to work on time are not typically life and death stituations for most of us.
We spend so much time thinking about the things we “have to do” we get sidetracked from the good parts of life: enjoying a favorite hobby, visiting with an old friend, watching a sunset, fulfilling our dreams. Think of how many times you’ve thought to yourself “I wish I had more time for this” or “I would love to do this more or that more.” We blame everything and everyone else for why we can’t do the things we love. We convince ourselves that it’s everyone else’s fault our dreams and hopes and wishes never become a reality.
Ironically it’s NOT everyone else’s fault. We are ultimately the ones in control of what we do and don’t do. For some reason we create our own invisible expectations for ourselves. We become people pleasers. We feel guilty about doing the things we enjoy. And we inevitably miss out on the important things that actually make life worthwhile.
So next time you find yourself stressed out and overwhelmed by all the things you think you have to do, just remember: You don’t have to. You are in control of what you do and don’t do. As Damien would say take your troubles and Push them to the sidebar of life.
Do you keep a calendar on your fridge? If you’re like us in our house, that’s the place we compare our lives with one another. If Sarah has a doctor’s appointment or the girls have birthdays to go to, we find it all there. That’s where we check ourselves. If a stressful event is coming up, such as moving, which we are scheduled to do May 14th, we all count the days and wonder ethereally what life will be like on the other side. Now if you are a self-improvement junkie like I am, you have probably read a dozen or more books on the aphorism: “Life’s a journey, not a destination,” but it really is true and yet even we can lose sight of it. I am not that old, but I’m old enough to know that the baby clothes that fit today will be in a bag out for Goodwill before you know it.
I ran across this video at Grow Thyself and it really made my evening, reminding me of that little aphorism we say so much as self-improvement junkies. Enjoy!
Is there a destination you “can’t wait” to arrive at? How does this video affect you?
Have a great day, and remember: It’s a journey thing.
I had a different sort of “www” this evening, I walked around Wal-Mart with my wife. She is amazing. When people talk about meant to be, I think of her and I. I had a bad day today and all I wanted to do was come home and veg in front of the TV. She made me get up off my butt and do the necessary shopping at Wal-Mart for the week with her we have been putting off. At first I was really grumpy but after just a few sentences with Sarah, my troubles began to lift. When I got home, I blogged about it on my new personal blog, Damien at the Speed of Life*.
I don’t know where I would be today without my wife. She listens and echoes back what I say. She offers editorial when she sees fit but mostly she’s highly supportive of the things I say or do. The internet is a great place to make money, but it can never offer what a simple walk with wife can in a million years. I usually don’t write gushing posts like this but I wanted to share with you all in a sort of personal diary fashion how important I feel she is. I have a feeling some of you can relate and we should celebrate it!
Do you have someone in your life that keeps you centered? Share about them in the comments won’t you?
This post was inpsired by a children’s book I read my kids a lot.
Did you ever think a choice was good and when you took it found you were stuck headed to a dead end? This happened to me once when I was 19. I had just quit my job at the grocery store (anyone out there old enough to remember Alpha Beta?) I had been in some power struggles with my boss there. He had been scheduling me when my band had gigs etc. paying no attention to my notes when I needed time off. You know, typical 19 year old “finding his way,” “challenging authority” type stuff. I quit and he told me I was welcome to come back anytime. I remember thinking: “Thanks but no thanks pal … I’ll never be back dude.”
I had a tough time finding a job at that time with no education and not much experience. The ones I did find paid diddly squat like a Christmas job I got at the mall selling ornaments. At that same time, my dad and I had started going at it as well. I was totally into my music and playing in my band wherever I could get a show. Anyway, he had been telling me that unless I got enrolled in college, I’d have to start paying rent. Doesn’t it seem like when the heat is on, life just turns up the burners? Well, for me at that time the key was getting moved out and making more money than I made as a clerk at Alpha Beta. Then it happened:
I called one of those “manpower” type placement services. After about 99 forms, they said they had a “match” for me. It was stuffing microchips into long plastic strips. Then, sealing them and finally shipping them to various places. I stood at a line all day doing these tasks and heard the most foul profanity and odd stories from an ex-con on my left, about 10 years my senior, and two other guys that resented my squeaky clean personality as much as the ex-con did. They wanted me out of there from my first minute on the line. After a week I wanted to quit so bad but I didn’t have the balls to walk off the job from my supervisor. After two weeks of hearing stories about what marijuana is the best and women with “inverted nipples,” I knew I had to get out.
If you’ve read the story by Maurice Sendak Where the Wild things Are it’s a very close parallel. Max gets mad and punished by his mom, sent to bed without any supper. He dreams of where the wild things are only it goes better for him, they make him their king. After a time he wants to go back and they don’t want to let him go. In my case they were like: “Don’t let the door hit your ass on the way out.”
About that time, I started looking into this college thing my dad kept forcing me into. As it turned out, college gave me a great career and a good life. I plan to pressure my kids the same way. For a little while they may flee to where the wild things are. But eventually They’ll come back to what’s real and what’s home … at least, that’s the hope all of us parents need to hold onto. After all, what do the wild things have that we don’t? I sure am glad I sailed in and out of a year to get back to my room where supper was waiting “and it was still hot.”
Did you ever stray out to where the wild things are?
As I close up this series, I am very proud of the idea. It moved my mind in places I hardly ever examine. To me, the ever elusive definition of a blog is encapsulated in a series like this: it helps me to write, maybe it will help someone out there to read. Have I mentioned I’m taken in with the blog phenomena? Maybe I didn’t have to. If you don’t have one yet, you really should start. 
