Postcards from the Funny Farm

If you're new here, you may want to subscribe via -or-

It’s probably overly judgmental of me to note but: don’t you think there are too many frantic, fake people in the workplace?  I run across people every day it seems who have a face for you and probably go home revealing another.  Why can’t people be themselves?  In my career I have learned that being frantic and putting a happy face only gets you so far.  Why not try being quieter and more of a listener?  If you blog for a side or full career as I do, an example might be reading blogs of friends you have been neglecting.  Your “grandiose” product will wait. ;)  Success at work can come through humility.

Eventually, people don’t want to be around you for your frantic profile.  You might think you are doing the right things working late hours to get ahead but in reality you are only distancing yourself from the real leaders who are not putting on a face.  They don’t respect workaholics.  Here’s a crazy idea from the Funny Farm: use your sick days!

I actually have made real advances in my career by simply doing nothing extra. Now, wait just a minute … that sounds really bad.  You must always do things at work and strive to do them well.  At the same time, you should go home when it’s time to call it a day .  The real rewards in life come to those who make their sense of calm and mental well-being a #1 priority.  You don’t want people noticing you because you are manic.  You want them to observe you over time being calm, cool and collected at work. Eventually they will call on you to solve the problems of work.  Of course, we all know that pays better!  My dad told me when I was about 18:

Work a lot for a little pay when you are young and you will work less for a lot of pay when you get older.

I have found this to be true.  I might also alter it this way:

Do your work well and more will seek you!

Instead of finding a way to impress the boss, find a way to keep your head calm, cool, and collected at work.  (Test it with a blood pressure monitor, it’s that important) Create a mantra to remember throught the day and help you focus.  She/he will notice.

“How fragile we are.”
Sting

A single word can add value to your life. In college I read that in a book and tried it out. I bought a pack of 3×5″ cards on sale and searched my mind and dictionary for words to concentrate on. This had a profound impact on the anxiety and depression I suffered in that time. There were many I went though. I would write the word on a card and tape it to my bathroom mirror. I remember one word I had, for example, was the word “transcend.” I would repeat this word many times in my mind while brushing my teeth and routine grooming. The word took on new and deeper significance during this time and throughout my day. It was the most positive word I could think of and it was a word I wanted more of in my life. Sometimes I would be in class of just round about town and I would hear a word which I would in turn use in this manner. In a way, it is like a mini mantra or … mantra “concentrate.”

Part of fighting depression and anxiety is coming to the fight prepared and armed. A word chosen wisely and meditated on is a powerful tool weapon anyone can bring to the fight we call humanity.

Today’s fast paced world leaves us all exhausted at the end of most days. Right now, as an example, I have that woozy feeling I have forgotten an appointment because I didn’t transfer it from my wallet to my Yahoo! calendar. Oh well, if I did I did. I’m pretty good about that usually. Anyway, with life being so fast, as Randy Pausch reminded us all, I think it’s really important to have some therapeutic reverie once in a while. I talk about W.I.N. with my team at work and sometimes, reverie needs to be “what is important now.” One day it may be getting your kid immunized, another it might be to buy pet supplies.

Looking back at life’s seasons and grand events helps us move forward more bravely. When we can see our bio as separate from our now it makes us seem greater than we are, or at least more able. I recommend listing your accomplishments by decades but if you are in your twenties or younger, that’s not much of a filing system. Separate your life into sections you find relevant, but try and do it when you can steal away for some quiet time. You can draw mantras from these for the upcoming year (ie; “I carried my running team by gaining 4 points in the finals”)

Here’s a portion of mine as an example:

Decade 0-10

• I was put into the gifted and talented education program in 2nd grade.
• I wrote “Swimmy the Turtle” and won 2nd place in the state fair in 3rd grade.
• more

Decade 11-20

• I learned every guitar riff The Alarm recorded.
• I got my first job as a printer’s apprentice.
• I trained as a camp counselor and counseled on summer.

Decade 21-30

• I met and recorded with my rock hero Dave Sharp of the Alarm.
• I got a job teaching at 27 in an inner-city school.
• I got my Master’s Degree at age 28.

Decade 31-39

• I got married at 33.
• by 38 I had my third kid and decided that was plenty ;)
• I bought my first mortgaged home at 39 and it has a pool!

If you try it, have fun with it. I suppose if you’re a blogger you might want to consider it like a meme. Please do! Everyone else, just thank goodness you aren’t self-absorbed as we bloggers and do it on a notepad and save to your desktop. It’s therapeutic and an absolute recommendation from me. Can you say “absolute recommendation?” Hmmm. Ok well, regardless, I recommend doing it. Life is good, but it will pass you by if you don’t stop once in a while.

If there is anything I give to my kids, I hope it’s the ability to distinguish between what is real and what is fake. I want my kids to recognize love when it’s real and run away from it when it’s fake. The same for friends, jobs, sales pitches, people, and the opportunities of life that present themselves. So, you may ask, what makes me think I know what real is? The answer is simple: I study it, identify it, and emulate it. If there is no model for real success in a given realm, I self-define it. If I had a magic mantra, I’d be a billionaire. There is no real shortcut to distinguishing what is real from what is fake. Each person must come up with her/his own definition. But you can practice at this ability. In some ways it’s the most important skill in life.

I once heard that bank employees go through a week long training where mostly all they do is spend time fondling and examining money. The idea being that if they are familiar with real money then they will more easily and automatically spot a counterfeit.

There’s the advice right there, the philosopher’s stone, the diamond in the rough:

Spend time with what you know is real, be it in the realm of people, literature, mathematics, religion, God (notice I made the two quite different things). Whatever it is that you hunger for in life, get close to the real. The fake will be revealed in the presence of the real.

Let me give you another example. Let’s say you want to be a success. There are minions of websites and corporations who want to define that for you. Some may be real, some may be a wolf in sheep clothing. Sp how do you navigate these waters? Define success. Watch examples of your definition. Get to know people who share components of your definition of success.

Spend time with the real and you’ll know how to spot a fake. Have you ever been duped by Amway or other MLM marketing scheme? Ask yourself this: would you have fallen so easily if you’d taken the time to define what success is for you? If I would have known (and I lost $500 when I was 20 at an Amway meeting) how real success was defined, I wouldn’t have stayed past the opening greeting with designer water and cashews. When you have defined success on your terms, no one can take away the growing happiness that results as you get closer to your goal. Have you ever bought into something you thought was real but really was a counterfeit?

Afterthought: One example of how I define success is my personal “CAN” ranking system for my b.... You can read more about this here. You might find parallels in your quest to define and rank the successes of your life.

Below is yet another post about having an open mind:
I had a professor of a writing class in college who told us she knew a famous actress. I would tell you who if I could recall but at the time I didn’t know them since they were a very old actress and the name didn’t imprint in my memory as a result. At any rate, this professor of mine, who was getting to the retiring age herself, mentioned to us that the woman had such grace and elegance in the way she ran her affairs. My teacher took care of her library for her and cleaned the house a bit while in college which was nearby. Because I really respected this teacher as a confident writer, I was all ears when she told this story. One day she asked the woman how she lived with such grace, happiness, and success and was now aging the same way and the woman said this simple mantra:

Accept everything.

Let’s look at that wisdom three ways. It could mean:

1. Don’t shut any person or idea out. Let it run completely through your mind and stand or fall on it’s own merits. This is a tough one to universalize. It is more like an inner mantra that can’t be directly applied to some concrete issues. Still, I like the idea of accepting everything in this respect.
2. Don’t be too good for any offer that comes your way. When you get work accept it. If you get a job for $8 do it like it was a job for 80K. I really like this idea.
3. And finally, be gracious. This is by far the best way I can think of to interpret it.

We had to write something on those 2 words when she shared them and I don’t have the paper I wrote at the time. I do carry them with me and I say them often. She was Canadian, I’m starting to think they know something we don’t up there.I’d like to know what they mean to you, any takers? Don’t be shy, just throw one out there.

While I’m on the subject of acceptance: If you are not content to accept your weight, a good resource may be weight loss pills.  Thanks for your support of Postcards from the Funny Farm.

Last time I wrote to you about the Power of Mantra. Before starting this as part two, Listen for Half a Day, I went back and read it again. I also took a nice long walk around my neighborhood admiring lawns and pink flamingoes, trying to make sure the next post was helpful and relevant to the series. The subject I realized today is another key tip in practicing an open mind.

As creative, enlightened people, we should actively practice an open mind by listening as much as possible.

I hope that will make perfect sense to you after I have given you many ways to do it through the course of this series. Please feel encouraged to subscribe to this series via -or- . I’m excited about how valuable this is in opening ones mind.

To make a quick example, listen to this “open mind” tip on traveling:

Usually cheap flights have no issues in the flight performance but are a part of an economical deal, and hence cheap. The deals usually promote hotels. But if one does want to travel cheap, the best way is to stay at a travel lodge instead.

Here, you see having an open mind can save you money, and peace of mind.  I learned this deal because I took the time to listen.  In doing so, that which I thought was impossible is possible.

We’ve all heard the statistics about how women have larger brains and how they are better listeners and better at many other things than men. I am not here to argue that at all. My wife knows full well how much I believe she is playing with a larger emotional deck that I am. What I want to stress is that I believe women and men, based on my experience of family, work, and life, are all generally poor at listening. In fact, it might be a cultural thing that we as Americans do not like to listen. Many are like me, we like to talk, fast, hard, and loud, no matter who gets hurt or shut out.

What if you could be more enlightened about what the people around you think?

The other day I caught myself lecturing my son on how his things were in every room in the houses where they didn’t belong (including a shoe at the bottom of the pool). As I rambled on and watched his bulbous brown eyes begin to well up tears, I listened to myself and it was not the ideal I have for myself. Ever done that?

It is phenomenal how much our mind is opened when we listen fully to someone else. Active listening is when you say back what the other is saying periodically and that is a good idea. But can you listen to people for half a day and not have a response? I’ve tried it and friends it aint easy. Just let what they are saying penetrate your mind, don’t respond except for the normal, OK etc. This is crucial to the experiment.

I could give you many statistics on how listening makes you a better person and such, but let’s just try the experiment what do you say? Starting right now at 11:26am until 6 or 7 tonight when I am doing my evening laps and jacuzzi time, I am going to listen. We haven’t been to church in a while and we decided to go to Saturday night services tonight … I might have picked the perfect day ;)

At any rate, whatever you do and whoever you interact with, this is a good exercise. I think you will be blown away at the paradigm shifts you experience and the broader, more open mind that you enjoy as a result. If you are a blogger you might try interviewing someone you respect. Heck, we may all decide to never speak again! …probably not, but it sounded like a good close. Whether you do this experiment or not, I’d love to get your comments on the concept of listening.

Remember: The goal of each of these posts is to give you a more open mind.

This post will introduce a series of posts I’m writing on looking at life a little bit differently, namely the practice of having an open mind.

I’ve been writing about psychology and inspiration here since December of 2006 and in the process I’ve done a lot of homework I love to share. Mark Twain once said: “When I turned 20, I was amazed at all my father had learned in ten years.” Our perception of the world is filtered through our point of view. If we have an open mind as we travel through life, we transcend much of the trouble around us. One invaluable tool in keeping an open mind is to have a mantra.  When I wanted to go on a vacation recently, I started reciting a vaction-related mantra.  What began as a “what-if” scenario opened up to a possibility heyday.  It began when I took a step and called the travel agency.  The one I chose has amazing packages.

Most of the travel deals offer all sorts of information, from car rental to the cheap hotels at the station. The airline information is updated as well, including the options of flights. If cruises are a part of the deal, they are thoroughly covered too.

Now you tell me mantras don’t work!

Remember when you were younger, about junior high age? You could run around all day: boys at the football field, girls at the mall or maybe the softball field. (Of course I don’t mean to sound like all women wanted to be at the mall but many I knew did). At any rate, physical activity back then had very few consequences. I would run 5-10 miles on the x-country team and have no soreness whatsoever the next day. Well, now fast forward to today. I can barely run to the end of my street without needing to stop and gather myself. Part of that is my fault for not exercising enough. Another part of it is just plain aging. Even as a youngster; however, practice had its place. Running those hill workouts paid off when I won the races. Our minds need practice too. A mantra can be part of that life-changing practice.

The big picture of this series is the way we feel about the world. Our mind processes things differently as it is accustomed to do. The good news is that as long as we practice the right mental things, we never need to suffer the way we do in our physical aging. In fact, if we stay mentally “worked out,” we can be more enlightened the older we get. Kind of cool eh? So, just to clarify the big picture here:

Physical Practice = Winning races/competitions

Mental Practice = Seeing the world the way it is.

One mental exercise we should engage in is the practice of having an open mind. Just like running one mile and skipping the rest of the week will not make a young runner any stronger, so we are made “mentally flabby” when we neglect this practice. The time this verb “practice” is most vivid to me is when I get angry or when I get disappointed or otherwise discouraged. It’s in those moments I can hear that inner psychologist on the couch in my mind say: “Calm down, this is what practice is all about.”

When and how to use a mantra to keep your mind open:

1. When we are out of sorts it comes from 1 of 2 sources: a) Internal - we have a chemical imbalance happening and need food or medicine to balance it out -or- b) External stimulus has disagreed with us in some way. The first step therefore is to determine which source is bringing you down. For example: Would a glass of water help? Some peanuts? You make the call there. This step is kind of like a stop and regroup.
2. The second step is to ACT to accept the cause of the problem. It could be your blood sugar or a person in your face. Either way: ACCEPT the cause for what it is.
3. The third step is a mantra. A mantra isn’t a middle eastern mystery, it’s just a phrase that has good energy for you. Remember the little engine that could? His mantra was: “I think I can, I think I can.” You can use many mantras that already exist or make up your own. I really like the mantra: “Is that so?” Eckhart uses it and recommends it in his book. I recommend it as well.

Other things you could say are (for example): “That’s one way to look at it,” “This too shall pass,” etc. I know you are creative because you’ve read this far. I encourage you to pick a mantra, write it on a card and when you lose your peace in the day, read the card, say the card, BE the card. I think you will as I have that the mental and spiritual rewards are mammoth.

When you exit a room of dissent and feel like you’ve made a contribution of peace, it’s one of the most powerful victories you can imagine.

I asked myself a question today as I was preparing to go out into my Truman Show here at the Funny Farm here I call my life. The question was based half on Eckhart Tolle’s book, A New Earth and half on my own outlook on life. Blogs can be a great way to journal what is going on in your life while getting feedback as well.   Since I am turning 39 June 9th, I am tending towards the philosophical side. I know you may find it hard to believe that I love it but I do. Happiness is found there as well I am finding.

We are all in a proverbial “funny farm” I think and so there are two sides of life we need to address to succeed, get out, and to be happy: 1) The side of neurophilosophy, or our physical brains, and 2) the cognitive side. This “present” idea is a cognitive idea. (and what’s cool about it is you don’t even get charged a copay here, though you may want to subscribe via -or- .

Anyway, Eckhart’s book is all about being “conscious.” (See here for another post I wrote about him) If I could count the number of times he uses that word, I would say it’s probably more than any other word apart from “the.”

It’s an awesome word to keep in your head all day “conscious, conscious, conscious.” If you have ever been unconscious (as I many times am) in a room you know how much you can miss just pretending to be there. I strive to be conscious always but today that is not my word. Today I am present.

Present is the word on the way to consciousness. Like water spilling over from a river into the sea, consciousness usually merges with present. Remember the annoying, idiotic boy in grade school who after every person’s name was called for attendance with a resounding “here” had to shout “present!” You know, the one the teachers always ranted about. Well I am/was that kid and the only difference is now I am shouting “present” on my blog.  Here’s my simple goal today for being present.

Today I will be present by looking people in the eye

I will also say this mantra today every time I start to think I am becoming “absent:”

(YOUR NAME HERE), Present!!!

Here’s a question for you: maybe down the road we can get more deep, but for now: In what simple way can I move toward being present today? Here’s a picture of me a couple years ago fully present.  Can every moment be that way?  That is my goal.

Today I will be present by looking people in the eye.

In what way will you be present today?

I have music around me as much as possible. It lifts my spirit and makes me more human, I think. Someone might say that I am in my own la la land because I have a playlist for before the kids get here called “Feelin’ Good Classroom Music.” To that voice I say: “No, it took effort to get those songs loaded and it takes effort to press play when I get to work.” I put music and meditation on a high pedestal when it comes to work. In a given day I am barraged with requests from the administration, parents, and of course the kids have many needs. As an educator, it is easy to get caught up in my “to do list” and stress over it. When I stress out, the first casualty is my creativity and that ironically is that can solve most these professional issues of stress.

In short: I need music at the beginning of the day.

I’ve read that every one of the 5 senses has a different component related to memory. Scent, for example, has hedonic component where if you smell something you haven’t smelled since you were a kid, you might recall volumes of memories … it can even be overwhelming causing people to pass out I have read. Music is like that as well.

I have on this songlist music that takes me away to a place where I feel free and open to create and innovate my work. I also have a big comfy desk chair that I bought years ago at a discount furniture. It helps the musical effect, let me tell you! I am a moody person, to put it simply. For me, music is just as important as a drug would be. Recognizing that and being responsible to have a boombox or computer playlist in my work area is a facet of responsibility, no la la land here ;)

There are meditation actions one can take such as TM, prayer, mantra repetition and others. These are also important. There are so man things I can do proactively to have a great day at work. Nothing, however, prepares me better for my job of creativity and patience than quality time hearing musical notes and melodies being played in the morning. Whether it’s Theme from a Summer Place or DEVO singing Girl You Want from the Tank Girl soundtrack, playlist rules and I know it makes me a better teacher in a good mood every day.

Have you made a “Feelin’ Good” playlist?

My mom and I have been talking a lot lately about the book A New Earth. If you haven’t heard of it yet, you soon will. Oprah has fully endorsed its author, Eckhart Tolle, and we all know that what Oprah endorses, sells like crazy. But Tolle is a very humble guy. He claims his ideas were all around him and that he didn’t invent them. Pretty humble for a guy who’s probably going to become the next psychology writer billionairre. More and more people I talk to about the book tell me they have either read it, or want to read it. But this guy isn’t hype, he has great vision in his book. If you haven’t read it yet, you should.

I remember getting a similar feeling about a book when I read M. Scott Peck’s psychology book: The Road Less Traveled. ” When I read great books like these, so full of truth and help, it’s like relaxation comes from he page, into my eyes and throughout my body spreading calm and joy. I’m still on chapter one of A New Earth, but what I have read so far is pure genius. My goal is to write a review of it very soon, so stay tuned to Postcards from the Funny Farm for that. I want to do this to spread the news about this amazing little book. Tolle’s insights on spiritual meaning in the world around us are really revolutionary and life-changing. Whether you are going through something as simple as trying to experience life more or something as serious as working through drug rehab and the like, this book brings out a strength you didn’t know you had.

At any rate, my mom told me a story from his book the other day that really intrigued me. She also watches the author every Monday she can on Oprah’s website where he does a regular video “town hall” style class where people can participate and ask questions. She gave me some good advice from him regarding negative people. Lately I’ve been getting some bad energy from people in all areas of my life and it’s beginning to worry me. Why am I attracting this sort of energy? Is it the way I talk? Is it the things I say? How do you deal with negative people anyway? We’re supposed to stay positive ourselves but what about when we can’t control bad energy around us. As I’ve speculated on here in the past, we should ignore it but as some of you commented, that isn’t always the best option. There is an alternative to ignoring Tolle offers that I prefer. It’s a phrase to have waiting in your back pocket. When negative people spout all sorts of negative things, just tell them this:

Is that so?

You can respond without reacting. Reacting is the “ego” as Tolle calls it. Responding is more of the being who you are inside coming out. There are so many good energies in my life these days now too, but why is it that I allow the bad ones to bring me down? It isn’t even rational to pay the most attention to negativisim. Another book by Tolle is called simply: “Stillness Speaks.” I would agree with that, wouldn’t you?

Anyone coming into your emotional space and saying “blah blah blah (something negative - you fill in the blank here)” should never take your good energy. Simply nod your head and say “is that so?” I love this mantra and I intend to use it from now on. If you tell me the sky is falling, I can say calmly “is that so?” If you tell me something is impossible I will say “WHY?’ Then, if you tell me why I will say: “is that so?” If you make a point on a forum I don’t agree with, there is no need to argue or even debate. All I need to do is consider what you have said and then say: “is that so?” Think about it, for real life or even social internet connections, it’s a pretty good mantra! Revolutionary thoughts like these take meditation. Here is a video I ran across of Tolle talking about getting that into our daily lives.

How are you reacting to bad energy in your life?