Postcards from the Funny Farm

There comes a time in life when we have done all we can do and the only thing left is to wait through the day to day.  I have a bloggy friend, for example, who has been given her share of lemons and is trying desperately to make lemonade.   What should she do when she’s finished stirring?  Stop, look, and support those around her.  Of course, we should be supportive at all times but sometimes more than others, we have a real opportunity to just support.  In turn, we get a clear perspective.

Another example is that my wife has been taking some real strides in parenting. I am so glad to see the charts she has created for our son and daughters to get them in bed on time and without turmoil. I’ve been helping as much as I can and I really see nothing to add to her new methods, they are wonderful.  So how can I let my wife know I appreciate what she is doing? Support her parenting. I think most spouses want to be respected and supported.  So, when I don’t know what else to do: I can stop, look, and support.

At work, you might be in a position of leadership. If so, offer support to those you lead. If you are not in leadership, offer support to the leader above you. Support her/his ability to lead. You may find these connections become highly valuable to you and your advancement. Most people appreciate support. It’s a very good bet they will notice the support you give.

With your own kids, or your nieces and nephews if you don’t have kids, support their role as students of life. You can turn even adolescent indifference into wonder if you just stay faithful as a supportive force. When you have a bad day, kids can tell. Make sure you show them through their actions that being supportive is possible even when the chips are down.

I’ve heard doctors say that the practice of medicine is just keeping the patient calm while mother nature does the work. You can be something like an “inspiration doctor” simply through support. The way to support varies from person to person but figuring it out is usually not too complicated . Give it a try.  Why not go into today being aware of this.  Don’t miss your chance to be a great force in your world: stop, look, and support.

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Walking home from school or playing on the playground as a kid, were you bullied? Flip that around now: were YOU the bully?

As a public school teacher in an inner-city demographic, I deal with the issue of kids fighting M-F (not Sa-Su thank goodness). I can attest that it is a real issue for parents and teachers. I am a big proponent of teaching things outside academics that are so necessary as life skills like teaching music and conflict resolution for example. Unfortunately, even the democrats have become polarized on language and math only so it may be a few years.

So if that is true, why is it I hear nearly all parents of kids involved in fights say they give their child permission to fight? (especially us dads) Of course, we invoke the “self-defense” clause of all that’s common sense about humanity … I would never argue with that. But, there is something they don’t know … something they don’t see. You might refer to it as “the fallen nature” if you are a Christian. Or, you might call it the law of the jungle if you’re an atheist. However you label the data, it’s there and it is kids beating the crud out of each other daily and blaming it on dear old mom and dad.

Last week there was a kid in my summer school class who pummeled another kid right in front of me. (incidentally, if you want to read a hilarious story about a similar student I had my first year, click here) This kid doing the pummeling was about 80 pounds give or take and the kid he was hitting was maybe 40, 45 tops I’d say. After going through all the steps and paperwork that we teachers must to in order to avoid being sued, I met with his dad and his dad said these exact words:

“I tell my son to defend himself because the school don’t do nothing.”

Poetry to this teachers’ ears (not). This isn’t an isolated case. I have even seen kids aggravate smaller kids until the small ones take a swing … then they move in fast for the, well in keeping with the idiom … the kill.

So what’s my point? I’d like parents to clear their minds of needless fears in much the same way you would get a Orovo detox or something physical like that. My school strives to be safe. It’s in the worst part of the High Desert. If any of you out there know Adelanto, it’s in “Old Adelanto.” I doubt many will see a picture in their head. It’s way off any tourist path. Still we keep it safe, and I know many other schools where they strive to do the same. Counsel your kids to NOT punch or hit, even in self-defense. Most the time, to avoid one parent suing the school, if any blows are thrown for any reason, both kids get suspended. There is a fine line between defending oneself and opening a can of whoop-ass. I wish more parents would have that discussion at the dinner table every night until their kids’ are 18. Let’s go beyond our animal urges and look at the psychology of what we tell our kids. In doing so, we won’t be cursing the darkness but rather lighting candles. Comments are open.

This is a guest post by Derek from Derek Semmler dot com.

The other day Damien was discussing summer memories and asked about the strongest memory of your youth.

When my mind begins to wander through the collection of youthful summer memories, I immediately think of the flour fight that I had with my sister or the long summer days spent playing baseball with my buddies. Or the time that my best friend and I ran away from home, for all of three hours until we were caught when he insisted on sneaking home to use the bathroom.

While there are many pleasant memories that I could share with you, instead I want to discuss a not-so-fond memory from my youth and how I recently caught myself committing the same blunder with my children.

The essence of this memory is this: stop the criticism, inspire your children.

Throughout junior high and high school, I played football and hockey. While not the gifted athlete, I held my own pretty well in both sports and always put forth my best effort on game day.

After the game, I would usually catch a ride home with my dad. The memory that stands out to me about these post-game trips was not the acknowledgement of the goal I scored or the tackles that I made; but instead the criticism of how I should have scored two goals or how I missed three tackles. As a kid, I found this to be extremely frustrating and wanted to scream at my dad.

Looking back on these situations now, I understand that my dad meant well. He wanted the best for me and was attempting to offer his suggestions on how I could improve. But at the time I wanted no part of hearing the “help” that my dad was offering.

Now, here I am some 15+ years later and I recently caught myself following a similar pattern.

The Little League season just kicked off and my oldest son had his first game this past weekend. While he played a great game, making a nice play in the field and bringing in an RBI, he also had a few lapses.

As we walked to the car after the game, I shared with him that I thought he played a great game and then began to comment that he could have had two more hits had he not watched the ball and ran hard to first base. As I was beginning to tell him what he needed to do better, I had a flashback to the conversations that I had with my dad and I stopped in mid-sentence. When he looked at me, I just said that I thought he played great and I was proud of him.

When it comes to sports, I believe that many fathers want their son to be the superstar athlete - often times because they wanted to be themselves but never were. While the criticism is delivered with the best of intentions, unfortunately it rarely comes across as beneficial.

As parents, we need to stop the criticism of our children’s performance and instead offer our unconditional support and inspiration. If you feel that criticism is necessary, save it for a casual conversation days after the performance, not immediately afterwards on the trip home.

In an effort to inspire your children, try the following suggestions:

• Highlight the things that they have done well. Positive reinforcement of their performance will boost their confidence and they will revel in the fact that they have made you proud.
• Ask them how they feel they performed. Your child may very well be aware of things that they could have done better. Rather than offer your feedback, simply listening to them can be very rewarding.
• Be there for them. Is your child asking you to practice with them? Are you attending their performances? When your child looks for you, be there in full support of their activity.

The next time you find yourself beginning to criticize your child’s performance, stop yourself and offer a few encouraging words to inspire them to continue giving their best effort.

The memories will be much more enjoyable for both of you as a result.

Online dating helped me find and marry my soul mate Sarah. I even found her during the “free trial” period so the service was free! I thought I’d write a blurb about Yahoo! Personals because I feature them as an advertiser. It isn’t just demographics that makes me do so (most my core readers are married). On the other hand, I chose them because I believe in their product. Most of all, I feature their ads because it worked for me.

I remember at that time feeling quite lonely in a new town with a new job and Yahoo! Personals connected me with Sarah when I really had no friends or family around to help me meet people. (interested readers can find more details on our &#....)

It works like this: You sign up and upload a small picture of yourself (actually this is optional but it really speeds things up!) Then, you fill out some profile questions and send out a few emails to members that you are interested in. Some, you will find, are indeed certified loony cases. Just keep telling yourself “All you need is ONE.” From there, as you sort through replies you will undoubtedly start to make email friendships. You will find yourself at your parents for thanksgiving sneaking to the computer to see what your online romance has to say.

If it works out perfect like it did for me, you’ll get married within a month! That was 5 years ago and now my wife and I have a wonderful family with laughs and memories that keep on going. If you are single and wanting someone special or if you know someone in your friends and family circle who feels that way, get tuned in to Yahoo! Personals. Trust me, it can work. All you Need is ONE. (and don’t be surprised when the ONE plus ONE turns into one or more beautiful kids! Be ready because it can happen fast!)

Just before bed, my oldest daughter (3) gets a little antsy. She can sense it’s time to go to bed and she’s not having it, yet at the same time … she’s tired, you can always tell by the stuff she says and does.

I have been making myself a drink (non alcoholic) when I get home from work because lately I have been really thirsty. I try to mimic my favorite premium beverage SOBE Elixr Power Fruit Punch, but instead of the high priced stuff at home, I bought a big jug of fruit punch syrup and hypnotize myself. I fill a large tumbler with ice, pour a bit of syrup in, fill it with water and then make than clanging stir sound. MMMM just typing it makes me want one now. My daughter calls it “a red.”

The other night my wife and I told our darling daughter it was bedtime and she proceeded to whine and whimper. She jumped protectively into my Papasan chair (I tend to give her what she wants regrettably) with me and said in what was a 1/2 cry, 1/2 trying to hold it together voice … “I want to … have a red with dad.” Cuteness at a Kilimanjaro height.

We both couldn’t help but laugh and let her have a “red” before bed. Our nights between 8:30 and 11pm on any given date are filled with stories such as these. I’ll try and post as many as I can. Seems like these stages go by so fast.

What cute things have your kids said?

“What the hell is that?”

As usual, Sarah tells family stories better than me. Go read her snippet on this humdinger. Note to self: Little kids are sponges, hence watch your mouth dad!