Postcards from the Funny Farm

The times we are rejected are like forks in the road.  We may think the one road is best, but forces tell us we just can’t take it.  If you think of all the energy tied up in job interviews, dates when we are single, applying to schools, wanting babies, etc., it all becomes freed up for othet things once we are denied.  The only question that hangs in the ait after rejection is this: “Now what?”  What a great place to be.  You won’t be spending anymore energy on “road one” and you van let your imagination run wild about how “road two” will be.  Some of the greatest people in the world experienced rejection.  For one reason or another, no one wanted to produce Disney’s first film idea.  Can you imagine the regret that person or interview panel had years later?  Think about the road less traveled.  Robert Frost declared “That has made all the difference.”

This is a time where a lot of people are out interviewing to get a new job and better support their families.  Good news, they still aren’t requiring DNA testing or anything exclusivist like that. You have a chance! In all that fussing around, remember that rejection is not the end.  If you see it like I have been talking about it, it is clearly a beginning.

Tell me about the interviews for jobs you never got.  How do you view rejection?

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I want to discuss Ellis’ theory of Rational Emotive Behavioral Therapy (REBT) as it relates to a happy marriage. Let’s face it, when your marriage is thriving and healthy, it feels like you’re taking pure energy pills. I may have mentioned REBT here before but this is a unique way of looking at it to keep your marriage positive and growing in love.  REBT is a way of breaking down communication and understanding why we and our spouses do what we do. The basic template are these ABC’s:

A: Adversity comes our way and we are forced to deal with it.  This can be like the house being messy for example.  Will you clean it?  Will you yell at your spouse over it?  Will you do nothing and BROOD? etc.

B: Beliefs we hold cause us to see adversity in given ways.  For example, if I grew up with a maid, I will not likely clean the house all the time.  On the other hand, if I was the cleaner my whole life I might never let it get bad. Then finally,

C: Consequences result after A and B combine to make our actions.  The trick is really studying how we got here in a given situation.

I think it is the best piece of advice I could give to a married couple to study Ellis’ ABC’s of REBT.  It is the logical continuation of possibility thinking (I wrote a series on that btw) Understanding that your spouse says and does things directly as a result of their beliefs might lessen the number of arguments you have.  For example, if you learn that your wife never got new shoes much, then you might understand her apprehension to buying your kids as many as you think they need.  That’s a simple example but this method can help you manage your money, sex-life, raising and disciplining of kids, etc.  Remember to think your arguments through and remember your ABC’s.

Got a method to your marriage that works for you?

“Keep moving forward” is one of Walt Disney’s most famous catch phrases. My godfather wrote it in my college graduation card and it meant as much to me then as it does now. There’s something about giving life your best shot and not looking back. Here are some words that describe this state:

determined, dedicated, committed (not the mental hospital kind ;) ) driven … there are more words, but I digress

I think looking back and second guessing yourself can be a very bad thing. While self-reflection and course correcting are noble attributes and certainly necessary for success, they should be done in moderation and within reason. Over analyzing and regretting can destroy a vision and a dream. The Amazing Visions out there becoming reality for millions don’t stop just because some give up on theirs. When you really don’t look back, you’ll find less use for the paranoia of the past and you’ll start looking into the higher concerns, like travel insurance, while you head on your way toward your dreams.

Today, whatever your dream is, whatever your vision, why don’t you try looking ahead without reservation. Let Possibility Thinking become your modus operandi. Don’t get paranoid about failing, don’t worry about some mistake you have already done. Our failures are our best teachers. Turn to your dream, your vision and then do all you can to make it happen and then let the chips fall where they may.

What can you do in the direction of your dream?

“when you accept everything for what it is without labels you are outside of your ego”
-Eckhart Tolle, A New Earth

To me this is such an excellent thought. I’d say about 70-80% of ALL our anxiety is borne out of imagined conclusions. We could turn that imagination into creative thoughts to make our lives better. Did you know that most inventions I read about when I write my for biographical series “Amazing Visions” came about as a result of a person trying to make his/her life better? In some cases I’ve been reading about lately for celebrities, it can make the difference between contentment and adrug treatment center.

This house is ours. We move into it tomorrow. My mind would never have grasped we could own a house like this with a pool. It is a result of possibility thinking on the part of my wife and I and steady work toward a goal. This is my first home and I will be 39 years old next month. Those impossible dreams should turn into visions for all of us.

Do you know an example of a visionary? Maybe a famous person? Maybe your uncle Bill? Maybe you? You might want to blow us away and write about them for my Amazing Visions Writing Contest. It’s gonna be huge. Here’s a thought for today:

Let what is … BE. Down the road ahead, the only limitation is in your mind

Did you know that science has looked into anger and rage as they relate to the brain? The findings have been quite interesting. A Harvard study found that when subjects revisited tapes they recorded about events that made them angry or enraged they had measurable chemical reactions in the brain. The beginning of what I refer to here as possibility thinking is having an open mind. Many people in the media and in the everyday world struggle with anger and rage and so I’m tackling this issue in hopes it might offer understanding and direction to open minded people who are concerned with their anger and rage.

Here is a somewhat long quote (for me anyway) that explains what happened in the Harvard study better than I could. It is fascinating:

A look into the brains of normal subjects revealed that anger increases blood flow to a reasoning part of their brains, an area over the left eye just behind the forehead, technically called the orbitofrontal cortex. This flow inhibits thoughts of rage. At the same time, blood flow increased activity in the amygdala, an almond-shaped knot of tissue deep in the brain that deals with emotion and vigilance.

Angry feelings arising in the amygdala are normally cooled by activity in the frontal cortex, part of the thinking region of the brain. However, in some severely depressed people a lack of both recognition and control of anger, can lead to violent rage.

“All of us get angry from time to time,” comments Darin Dougherty, an assistant professor who led the research. “At such times, feelings of wrath in the primitive parts of our brains seem to be balanced by inhibitions of our will to act on those feelings.” Source

This process is like a miracle. Of course, the brain itself is a composite of so many apparent miracles it boggles any brain that seeks to understand it. Still we try. While one part of the brain is fed blood and reacts in anger, in unison other blood is fed to an area that controls inhibition that sort of keeps the angry thought under a lid. Of course, brain damage and mental illness can upset the balance of this process. This is why we see movies of people in mental hospitals screaming in rage without stopping. Somehow the delicate balance their brain was meant to have has been disturbed.

So what does this mean to me and you? Once again, it points us to the truths of Phineas Gage: our mind is a delicate instrument that needs care to stay in balance. When we are getting angry often we should ask ourselves: “Is this chemical?” Is there something disrupting the balance between those two parts of the brain? If so, there are likely drugs that can help … see a psychiatrist or a psychologist that has a practice in concert with a psychiatrist. There are so many triggers that make us angry and even despondent. It could be as big as someone ripping you off or maybe just suffering the empty results of top diet pills.

If you feel the issue has more to do with behavioral issues such as a recurring annoyance in the form of a memory or if you are suffering from some of the cognitive distortions, get thee to a therapist and discuss those issues. Or, you can go to a book store or library and do your own study on these issues. Personally, I would recommend going to a professional instead but just make sure you tend to the problem in some way.

Your brain is your lens to the rich pageant called life. Don’t let anger steal anything from you, there is no reason for that.

I wanted to let the blog know that I had my observation and post-conference today. It went very well. I received a passing score in all domains and some very nice things were said about me in the write-up.Okay I can breathe now.

I’m not one to hide fear, I think it helps the world to show your weakness. It helps people more than pretending you are always 100% confident.

You may recall I published an article on BlogCritics this month about the whole process I was going through:

My article on BlogCritics on how to survive and th...

(esp. note my response to the first comment about inequity in some evaluation pr... for teachers … Amidst my optimism it’s important to note my view on that.)

-Damien

To start my series on Possibility Thinking, I’d like to present you with some notable quotations:

“We are not here to ACCEPT a fate imposed upon us. Rather, we are here to CREATE our fate.”

“To make our lives living masterpieces, we need to move beyond acceptance, and even positive thinking, to the realm of possibility thinking.”

“Before we can slay Goliath, we must come to the realization that it is POSSIBLE to do so.”¹

I am a firm believer in self determinism and possibility thinking. Norman Vincent Peale and Robert Schuller were a couple of my mentors in my 20’s.

“Possibility thinking is a heroic act because it allows the future to break with the past.”²

I have observed that if you aim your creative mind in the direction of success, you will get there. Possibility thinking takes discipline and work, but the rewards far surpass all effort.

In this first post of the series, I want you to think about the “NOW.”

What do you want today? Let’s start small with today and work outward towards the end of life. As you imagine your day laid out before you, what would you like to see happen? What would you like to get done? To achieve? To receive? This is the almighty “what” that you need to define to begin the process of possibility thinking. I recommend making a list. Why not open a notepad right now and type a list of 3 or more things. Then, use your imagination to free the possibilities! It will be the best few minutes you’ve spent in a long time. In fact you may find yourself spending more time at it as the possibilities begin to froth upward.

When you have your “what” visualized and your expectations set high, let possibilities into your mind. You will be amazed at how solve-able your wants, needs, and problems are. A possibility thinker will find a solution. If there are some on your list you can’t solve, just write “I’m open to anything” next to them. So, in a step-by-step summary:

1. Think of what you want.
2. Think of possibility solutions.
3. Act on your creative solutions.
4. Be open to acts of randomness, God, or other people as solutions.

Tomorrow I will take on what you want in the short-term future and how to see the possibilities through to realization. I encourage you to come back as I explore this exciting and rewarding mindset. Would you say you are a “possibility thinker?” If you are, chime in here in the comments . . . lets chat about it! If you’re not sure or if you’d like to become one . . . this series is for you too! Last but not least, If you are a positive thinker and interested in guest blogging in this series, contact me!

1. For authors’ attribution see this URI:link [↩]
2. For authors’ attribution see this URI:link [↩]