Postcards from the Funny Farm

I met a really visionary blogger this past year named David Masters and he writes a blog called “Be Playful.” I’ve guest blogged there in the past and he just published one of mine there today on “Playing Through Difficult Times.” I know some people going through tough times and others in their bliss out looking for birthday invitations. It just depends what cards you’ve been dealt. Maybe your play will earn you the money to go on a dream vacation?  You can even be playful as your picking and purchasing the tickets, according to David’s philosophy.  I was today and here’s a few things I learned about fares and places:

The flights to rome have been getting more expensive. There are no other cheap flights on the route, except for the flights to boston that take a fun touch down. The orlando flights too are a tad bit bigger.

this search could be a tedious task to the average person but even flight searching can be a blast.  David has shared there in the intro that he himself has been going through another not-so-fun task of moving. Maybe you are going through a difficult time right now. Maybe you know someone who’s lost their job or is just plain down. It may seem like the end of the world but remember that all experience is life experience. When you stop feeling pain you’re dead. I love the quote Woody Guthrie said: “Take life easy or take it hard but TAKE IT.” You can read all my favorite quotes here. My guest post at Be Playful is here.

Like Woody Guthrie says: “Take it easy or take it hard but TAKE IT!”

This post is inspired by and dedicated to my cousin. A rider of coasters of parks and imagination.

I enjoy roller coasters. Tonight I’m writing about them. At the pizza place tonight, my 3 year old daughter, Isabella, wanted to ride a small contraption for 4 tokens that called itself a roller coaster. It was a moving seat in front of a video tape of a real coaster. As I looked over it to make my decision as a dad whether it was an appropriate ride for her age and size, I found myself recalling some of the clinkety clankety roller coasters I’ve loved throughout the years. I let her ride it and I think I loved it more than she did and I wasn’t even in the rumbly seat. Rides create happiness. Because I write here about inspiration, psychology, and offbeat blogging, I thought this quite appropriate.

Roller coasters have woven in and out of my childhood, career, parenthood, and of course I’m sure those with better halves will agree: my marriage. They give you adrenaline, fear, exhilaration, and even exhaustion. We wait in lines for hours sometimes to get our chance to ride and when we’re done were told abruptly to get off. There is a psychology to wanting to ride and a psychology to wanting to stay off. Either way, the roller coaster is there … whether we rant loud or soft, we all get on and we all get off.

When we get inspired to do things, it’s like we’re on a ride. It’s so wonderful and our bodies feel light and invigorated, we laugh until we’re hoarse. But if we’re not careful, the highs of roller coaster inspiration can cause a fall. At the end of the fall, we may find depression or worse than that: no more inspiration. Though our lives are roller coasters, we need to remember this adage: It’s not how fast the roller coaster goes but how straight you walk out the exit. Drugs, for example, can cause you to stumble … and fall. Also, they can destroy brain cells and you can buy more like you would buy computer memory

I would never tell another human to not go on a ride, but I would tell them to stay cool when their riding high because the ground comes inevitably and the high can make you or break you when you’re talking about life’s coaster. People are great, in all their walks. This is no dress rehearsal, we are all on this coaster together.

We’d do well to use the loop-de-loops of life to store up energy. We will need it before we know it.

I’ve been in a situation recently where my physical body/animal brain was moving me to retaliate against someone who offended me (actually a couple people) and at the same time my intellect was telling me to relent, or hold off until I’d calmed down. I won’t get into specifics because that’s not my point here. I’ll tell you I did relent and I am so glad.

Once I calmed down and reassessed the situation, I realized that while my feelings were 100% valid, they were not a good determiner of action. In fact, if my feelings had determined my actions in the professional environment, in this case I could have severed (possibly permanently) networks with key people likely to be in my circle until I retire. When the hot cools down from work days like that, you have some amazing realizations reclining at home or jumping on your trampoline. You have no idea what they will be in the heat of the moment.

So what did I learn from this and why am I sharing? Well, as I have said over and over, I write about psychology and inspiration here in order to better your life. It isn’t therapy for me. If it were you’d read a lot of bad words etc. I am thinking and analyzing my life all the time for good lessons to share with you. I hope these lessons advance you in your journey. That is why I blog on psychology and inspiration. In this post, my lesson is simple: In the professional environment, let facts not feelings determine your actions.

When you feel upset, insulted, or angry, these are usually products of a bruised ego and not the real you (as Eckhart calls the “being”). Relenting when you feel badly can help you recover your sense of being and throw off your ego. So, here are the three things I did when I was offended/mistreated recently at work. Translated into your life, I hope they help you save yourself some grief and advance like I did:

1. Get the facts written down.
2. Write down a note (official in wording) to the offending party(ies) stating the wrong done to you and DONT SEND IT. Put it in your wallet folded tightly closed.
3. Forget about it and go about your day.
4. Later in the evening, pull out the letter. You may be ashamed you wrote it, but keep it for 3 days. If the issue does come up, you will be upset and you can take the note out for the facts that emotion may cause you to forget.

That’s it! As I have said (to the rhythm of something Peter Piper Picked a Peck of Pickled,

I’m no expert on psychology but I have read more on psychology than some psychology experts :)

Now you’ve read some of that yourself, succinctly put in a blog post. At work, be a real man (or woman) and act on facts, not on feelings. Do what you have to do to stay cool. Another thing I do, and I have written on the value of a music CD, is make and listen to a CD of the best tunes I know.

Quick after thought: WATCH OUT! Something is at risk with this kind of talk, and it’s your job! You will be better off to use this approach but remember you should never forget any wrong done to you against the law or your contract. Write it down! All I am saying to do is to deal with it later.

If there is one post worthy of you slowing down to read today, it is this one. The writing contest results are in and posted here. It was a truly enjoyable time gathering the posts for this writing contest. Congratulations to the winners. To all who participated I say thank you for sharing your amazing visions with me, my readers, and the interweb.

I chose this topic for my contest because I have always been fascinated by Amazing Visionaries. They range from Walt Disney (photo: wikipedia) to Pat Rodgers (my grandfather). By watching their moves, I have been able to recreate some of that success in my own life. And I have written about it.

I heard a story many years ago about how the new tellers at banks get to spend a week handling money … nothing more. The reasoning behind this was so that the tellers could detect a fact having been made so familiar with the real. When we study the look of a successful person’s moves, we too can avoid being duped by false success stories. Just like the well known authorize.net spots fraudulent consumers, so these posts will help you spot the bad examples as well as the ones to follow.

The stories mentioned here are the “real deal.” By collecting them and putting them in one place, hopefully it will rub off on us. If you enjoyed the links, please bookmark this page, as well as the permalinks individually, and share them with others. In my opinion, now more than ever, the world needs more amazing visions! I think you will be inspired by what you read here.

Below are the 6 winning urls for “Amazing Visions: Blog Carnival Edition 2.” After that are links to all the entries. Why hold them back when inspiration is so lacking in our times! I hope you enjoy reading all of them as much as I did. Stay tuned to Postcards for Edition 3 in the near future.

TOP 3

1. How I got Started with Blogging and Freelance Writ... by Michael Kwan
2. Mother Teresa on Love by Chelle
3. How to become what you want to become, in about tw... posted at I Will Not Die.

Honorable Mentions

1. An Entry from Torri’s Travels by Torri
2. Nick’s Entry on Randy Pausch posted at Romandock
3. Amazing Vision - Mahatma Gandhi posted at Growing Happiness.

Though they didn’t get in the top three, these highly well written posts are the rest of these amazing visions . . . Please read them, you will find strength and inspiration. (Thank you again to these bloggers!) -in no particular order …

Josh Waitzkin an Inspiring Performer by Isabella Mori

A One Man Peacekeeping Force by Alexander

She’s Inspiration by Katelynjane

How Hokusai can Inspire Designers and Bloggers posted at Designer Daily

The Los Lunas Decalogue Stone - How In The World D... posted at Shattered Paradigm.

Privilege to Be with a Loved One at the Time of De... posted at Andy, saying, “My dad was one of my greatest heroes. This is my tribute to his legacy.”

(and one of my own I just threw in at the end!)

Amazing People and Things by Damien Riley

My friends in this community sometimes ask me if I know any good ways of getting traffic. I try to do creative stuff, but sometimes the traditional things work best. Using forums to build traffic is one of those traditional ways. Of course there are several in my community that are doing just fine. Perhaps those readers could give us some further tips on this discussion.

I’ve read on several “big time” sites that forums are an excellent way to attract more readers to your blog or website. Up until recently, I had never put this one to the test. This is partly due to the fact that I haven’t had the time to experiment with it. I plan to do some “foruming” this evening so I wanted to let you know the results once I am finished. As I head out to try my hand at this endeavor I am thinking these guidelines might be helpful to someone out there who wants to try it:

1. When you choose a forum, choose the topics that follow your passions. ie; mental health, literature, psychology, self-improvement and blogging are a few interests of mine that I belong to forums on.
2. Put your url in your profile and signature or every forum you post at. This is obviously to your blog’s advantage. Theoretically, the ones who like what you have to say will click on your profile or signature and find your wonderfully suited blog. Ok, so I’m being a bit sarcastic. Nonetheless, it’s one way to get your url out there and it may even garner you some Google Juice.
3. Answer many threads before you leave. Some threads are closely monitored and some are not. Doing more will increase your chances of starting up a conversation or even friendship with people on the forum.
4. Subscribe to the threads you comment in. Like most blogs, forums have an option many times to subscribe by email or rss to the threads.
5. Do not get offended and do not say offensive things. This is self-explanatory to many, but to me it is a lesson I have had to learn the hard way many many times (mostly before I ever started blogging). Stay cool and let your words be the same when foruming.
6. Bookmark the front page of each forum and put them in a folder on your toolbar (Firefox) so they don’t become obtrustive. Since the folder causes them to cascade straight down, you can have more than you’ll ever need on your bookmarked toolbar (for help on how to do this, read this).
7. Flattery will get you EVERYWHERE. That may be an old fashioned notion, but go with it and see if it’s still true.
8. Keep your comments short but thoughtful. Don’t waste your great ideas and prose on a forum, use the ideas you get while there to write on your forum and link to the post! (Don’t do this too much or you may be considered a spammer and kicked out)
9. Once you are in, many forums allow you to post a link on your profile page or in the sisgnature, or both.  An example of these types of links can be found here (scroll down to my signature at the Jeep page.  The anchor texts inspiration and psychology are linked back to my blog).  This will help your backlink authority.
10. Once you create the link on your profile page, figure out what the permalink to your profile page is and socially bookmark it to as many as possible.  This will also help your backlink authority. Example of same Jeep profile page on Stumbleupon.

I hope these tips help. If you are new to forums and would like some help getting your feet wet, drop me a line and I’ll see if I can help. On the other hand, does anyone out there have any forums they enjoy and would recommend to this community? Enjoy foruming to build traffic.

Well, there weren’t any comments yesterday so either you are all speechless about my question or you are waiting for me, your dysfunctional guide to psychology, to give you my take on how to let things go. SPLENDID … I have a few methods I can recommend. Before I do though, let me just give a quick update on the house. It’s going really well. Unfortunately there is a lot of stuff we still haven’t gotten to but we are learning to just let it ride. The doors to the kids rooms are laying off their hinges on the floor as we are planing them to the right size and it’s a real bitch! Actually I should say that Sarah’s dad is doing that job and dealing with the hassles, but we all wish it could go smoother for him. We sat in the spa for the first time day … niiiiiiice. Okay, enough of the update. I only have a short time here at Starbucks since I have to get back with dinner for everybody. This is so weird not having internet at home. Driving around town finding the hot spots feels a lot like wanting sex! Anybody ever try it? Hopefully you won’t have to. Oh, one more thing: I just want to recommend movers as another way to relax. Without them this time I think we appeared to our new neighbors to be their new freaks moving in faster than the speed of light probably on criminal amounts of diet pills or something. On to letting go (how appropriate).

The Christian mystics said that getting closest to God was possible by completely letting go of all physical material things. That means, for example, that you would give up your house, your possessions, and even people if they got in the way of you surrendering completely to God. While I shiver at the thought of such a life, I do feel they were onto something. We can all benefit from this type of thinking if only varied by degree a bit.

The two words “oh well” are some of the most powerful when used together. In essence what you say with them is that you prefer something higher. Remember when you were a kid and someone took your new bike to be a bully. If you cried about it they laughed and had a blast. You might get it back eventually but only with your ego badly bruised and everybody on the street labeling you as a major wimp. On the other hand, if you used the words “oh well,” you might have found as I did that the bully’s psychology changed. Now, he wanted to know WHY you weren’t affected. You took away his power. It’s the same now as adults only the bully is in our own minds and we victimize ourselves with stress. Saying “Oh well” can get us through a world of trouble and come out the other side shining.

Have you ever lost your keys? I have gone literally insane looking for them. I have thrown couches over I have done terrible things to unsuspecting items on my counter space … I am not proud of these things. Recently my wife lost hers and after much of that, we decided to table the worry and take my car. The end result was an amazing conclusion that restored the keys and our sanity. These things couldn’t have happened until we let go and said “oh well.”

So there is my suggestion to you. I know it isn’t too complicated but I offer it anyway. Did you expect the Mayo Clinc summary of the matter? Come here, I want to tell you a quick secret: it’s just a blog.

“Keep moving forward” is one of Walt Disney’s most famous catch phrases. My godfather wrote it in my college graduation card and it meant as much to me then as it does now. There’s something about giving life your best shot and not looking back. Here are some words that describe this state:

determined, dedicated, committed (not the mental hospital kind ;) ) driven … there are more words, but I digress

I think looking back and second guessing yourself can be a very bad thing. While self-reflection and course correcting are noble attributes and certainly necessary for success, they should be done in moderation and within reason. Over analyzing and regretting can destroy a vision and a dream. The Amazing Visions out there becoming reality for millions don’t stop just because some give up on theirs. When you really don’t look back, you’ll find less use for the paranoia of the past and you’ll start looking into the higher concerns, like travel insurance, while you head on your way toward your dreams.

Today, whatever your dream is, whatever your vision, why don’t you try looking ahead without reservation. Let Possibility Thinking become your modus operandi. Don’t get paranoid about failing, don’t worry about some mistake you have already done. Our failures are our best teachers. Turn to your dream, your vision and then do all you can to make it happen and then let the chips fall where they may.

What can you do in the direction of your dream?

Dr. Herbert Benson of Harvard Medical School pioneered the relaxation response, a term he coined in the 1970s. Part of this method is to “maintain a passive attitude.” His method is centered on practice and learned behavior. When you can concentrate on a word, phrase, visual, or body movement, you are able to escape the overpowering worries of the day.

Through this method, theoretically you should be able to move in and out of a relaxed state by using a single item to concentrate on, such as a word or phrase. As I have said before, there is great power in focusing on just one thing at a time. You can actually be more productive in doing so than you would be focusing on more than your stress threshold can handle. I guess I should define that: I mean the threshold between normal physical functioning (ie; blood pressure 120/80 or lower) and abnormal functioning (ie; excessive sweating, breathing problems, discomfort etc.). Let’s examine what a passive attitude sounds like through five sentences. Perhaps you could add a few of your own.

1. Oh well.
2. I’m over it.
3. That’s one way to look at it.
4. Is that so?
5. I see.

Now let’s contrast them with some unhealthy, stress inducing responses:

1. Oh my God, what will I do?
2. You don’t understand! This is awful.
3. Are you trying to be a jerk or something?
4. Well great, I guess I was totally wrong.
5. Screw you.

Now some may laugh at those, but they aren’t funny. Eckhart Tolle says in his bestselling book The New Earth that “resentment is the result of an illusion we choose to believe.” Isn’t every negative reaction really the result of an illusion we choose to believe in? My wife tells me I am like Winnie the Pooh sometimes when I am overly passive about bills, work, struggles, etc. That may be true because my dad is like that too. However, some of that is my attempt to invoke the relaxation response.

Another way I get into that passive “place” is to imagine myself going under a wave and doing a somersault underwater at the beach. That is something that relaxes me in real life. Visualizing it during times of trouble or fatigue helps me maintain a passive attitude, but this is visualization which we have already covered. I could also say a term like “wave somersault” repeatedly to summon the same effect. What could be your word or phrase to maintain a passive attitude?

Have you ever tried visualization to reduce anxiety and relax? It’s really not too difficult. The steps are something like this:

1) Put some music or nature sounds on your CD player and close your eyes. Then
2) visualize yourself in nature.
3) Imagine your favorite wild animals all around you and yet it feels totally safe.
4) In your mind go under waterfalls, take drinks from mountain streams, feel the wet cold granite flats under your bare feet.
5) Last, make sure to breathe deeply as you visualize all this stuff. It will calm your body down and put you in a trance-like state so your fear can subside and you can get a clear perspective again.

Any visualization will work. You can get in the mood for sex, for example, by picturing your wife in a variety of babydolls and you don’t have to spend a dime! The mind is powerful.
It sounds a little out there I know, but if you give yourself over to it your creative mind truly comes alive. That is the part of our psyche we need to solve the problems that cause us to stress. I have used this method for close to 15 years and found it to be very helpful and rejuvenating.

This method and many others can be found in a profound little book called “the Relaxation Response.” You might want to pick up a copy. Stay tuned to this series I’m starting entitled “How to Relax,” it’s key to keeping our minds open to the possibilities that lay before us. I hope you’ll join with me as we explore this. Do you know how to relax?

A police friend I know has been shot at, threatened and scared half to death by some of the criminals he’s dealt with. Another fireman friend of mine from years back has almost destroyed his back pulling people out of burning buildings. As for me, I deal with something every day more ominous than most can imagine: surly kids. In my career I’ve had issues with kids that that few non-teachers will ever comprehend the difficulty of. I’ve had kids flat out tell me “no” to my face. I’ve had kids shout profanity at me. I’ve had kids tell me they are sending their dad, uncle or brother to beat me up. I’ve had days where all I wanted to do was go home to my room and close the vinyl shutters. I am telling you, in the schools and classrooms I have been in, I’ve seen it all.

But, along with the bad there is plenty of good I must add. In addition to the minority of students who have tested my desire to remain a teacher, many more have made me so glad and proud to do what I do. So, enough of of the “pity party” on my part, let’s talk about how to deal with these troublesome kids, because teachers are always going to have them and kids will always weave into every person’s life.

There are so many plans at your disposal as a teacher to control behavior in the class. You can have a warning/consequences chart, you can do positive reinforcements, you can even take entire blocks of time to model your rules and consequences. In my opinion, nothing works better than a certain type of psychology on kids who won’t behave. It is called “Choice, and Consequence” teaching. Let me explain:

When a kid misbehaves it is either because 1) They don’t realize it and are just being “slap-happy.” -or- 2) They know it’s wrong and they do it hoping they won’t be seen or caught. In order to avoid punishing a kid for just being slap-happy, you should only punish if the child disobeys or is defiant, give them a warning. Make sure you state clearly the rule they have broken. ie;

Johnny, you kicked someone’es leg and they complained to me. You did not respect your classmate and that is rule 3 on our list on the wall. If you do it again, you will lose your recess.

Now the child knows what is wrong to do. If he continues, it is defiance. Well, as I have been telling you, I’m familiar with these kids who still do it. At that point, when they do it again, here is the only thing you can and should say:

Johnny, what you have done gives me only 2 options: Write a referral for which you will be suspended for physically kicking another student. -or- make a phone call to your parents in front of everyone asking them to help me teach you this is wrong.

Now you don’t have to use those 2 choices, but that is where teaching creativity comes in. the key is getting them to see the consequences are as a result of their actions not yours and then continue giving them choices until the issue is out of your hands with the office or with their parents.

You can keep up with my ongoing notes on teaching and life in the classroom at my teaching “edublog”: entitled: Dynamite Lesson Plan

What do you think of the choice/consequence method?