Postcards from the Funny Farm

This post is dedicated to a friend going through a tough spot.

Paul McCartney said all those years ago that “My love does it good.”  He was right.  All the love he has put into music like Yesterday, the Long and Winding Road, and literally thousands of other hits could fill a stadium … as it often did and still does.  Think of how many humans he has inspired?

James Taylor sang about going to the Carolina Outer Banks “in my mind.” It’s impossible to tell how many people his song has enlightened.

To me, songs like these mean that self-love is important and we can use it to help people as well as ourselves.  Most of all, they say that if you don’t love yourself first, you can’t love anyone else.

Any one who says “he doesn’t love himself” is not only in need of love but is also possibly a grave threat to himself.

We should love ourselves.  I know this flies in the face of Christian culture that states we should humble ourselves and as Paul says at some point, “Beat our bodies for the cause of Christ” (paraphrased).  But it is a simple truth that nurtured and fostered love will have an impact on our family and world.

I’ve spoken with several people in preparing for this series and the data has been staggering.  I learned that most people will not say they love themselves. In fact, some will say “far from it.”  This is spite of the fact that they are wonderful gifted, attractive people.  Even more surprising was that I found more women did not love themselves.  How sad, how utterly sad that is to me.  Why is this so?

I learned at an early age from great parenting and through authors like Leo Buscgalia and Rollo May that we need to love ourselves and love others as a #1 priority.  I think much of my time spent in the church chipped away that that foundation of self-love and I found myself quite neurotic and self-loathing in my teens and early twenties.  As I left the church and came back several times, I learned there should be a balance: self-love and loving God.  In my eyes, God is self-love and the church is simply self-”repair”.  I don’t know about you, but I prefer love to repair.

Do you mediate?  Do you pray? Do you buy yourself your favorite ice cream cone and listen to a favorite song over and over?  I’ve been doing that for over a month with Coldplay’s “Viva la Via.”  Man, what a song.  These are just a few examples of how to love yourself.  You can buy yourself something or just spend time reading your favorite parts of a book, enjoying nature, or enjoying anything you feel a connection with.

I strongly feel that a lot of our problems in society whether they be with the family or the economy can be traced back to people who do not love themselves.

Remember in “A Christmas Carol” when Scrooge remembers his old girlfriend and the children he knew before in life? It all made him so happy, he jumped with glee and wanted to right all the wrongs he had done.  More than giving out money though, the best lesson that Dicken’s tale gives us is that a man or woman needs to find the love for themself. That will produce empathy for others and hence … giving.

Remember dads, moms, leaders in the world, and everyone else what Paul McCartney said: “Your love does it good.” Keep it tender, keep it fed, keep it warm and it will change the world.  In some upcoming posts I’ll be exploring “self-love” in more detail.  Perhaps your comments can help steer my inspiration.

A question for you: Do you love yourself?  If no … why not?

Do you know that Simon and Garfunkel tune? You know the one where they say … “Feelin’ Groovy!” That came into my head as I was thinking about what to blog on today. Another psychology topic, that makes two in a row. This one is more specifically about what I call the “Psychology of Perception.”  I have been interested in in psychology for almost two decades now. All throughout my 20’s (the 1990’s) I read books by authors such as M. Scott Peck, Rollo May, Leo Buscgalia, Richard Carlson, and a host of others. I ended up specializing in education but my personal reading interests have always lied in psych. I’m not ashamed to say as well that I have paid for counseling on more than one occasion. It has benefited me greatly and I truly admire all walks of mental health therapists. They have a tough job and if they do it right, they can transform a person’s life for the better.  I think if we’re honest with ourselves, we are all a little kooky, hence the title of this blog.

Today I’m reminded of that song aforementioned. I don’t want to feel stressed about life … that just isn’t me. When I am stressed, I become something different … someone different. Maybe not altogether, but people approach me and say: “Are you okay? Are you sick?” I have one of those demeanors that is inescapably transparent and people around me, including my wife, tell me they can tell when I am stressed or not myself. For example, the other day my wife told me I looked younger because I had shaved very close but when she glanced down further at my neck, she noticed there was still some stubble there. eek. I hate it when I am in a rush and miss that. Ever happen to you? Anyway, she told me I look “older” when I miss that area. It’s like a 5 o’clock shadow at 8am. Well, as I have been saying, do you know why I missed that? Because I was stressed!

I need to feel groovy but how do I get there? Well … I can plan my day based on things I am passionate about. As a teacher I know how to do this. You tie in the lessons to examples that you are interested in and it makes for a much more effective lesson. Yes, it takes more creativity, wit, and candor than just following the rote textbook, but it pays off for your attitud3e and for their achievement results. In other lines of work, or for housewives, you’ll have to plug in your own connection here though I could think of some.

Kicking up the cobblestones of your life and feeling groovy is the way top a great day and that great day multiplies and translates into a great month and then a great year. Try and get a hold of that song if you can. Listen to it and make it your mantra today. Remember the psychology of looking at things from another angle. Don’t fixate on the angle that brings you down. There are always more than one way to perceive a situation.