Postcards from the Funny Farm

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I want to discuss Ellis’ theory of Rational Emotive Behavioral Therapy (REBT) as it relates to a happy marriage. Let’s face it, when your marriage is thriving and healthy, it feels like you’re taking pure energy pills. I may have mentioned REBT here before but this is a unique way of looking at it to keep your marriage positive and growing in love.  REBT is a way of breaking down communication and understanding why we and our spouses do what we do. The basic template are these ABC’s:

A: Adversity comes our way and we are forced to deal with it.  This can be like the house being messy for example.  Will you clean it?  Will you yell at your spouse over it?  Will you do nothing and BROOD? etc.

B: Beliefs we hold cause us to see adversity in given ways.  For example, if I grew up with a maid, I will not likely clean the house all the time.  On the other hand, if I was the cleaner my whole life I might never let it get bad. Then finally,

C: Consequences result after A and B combine to make our actions.  The trick is really studying how we got here in a given situation.

I think it is the best piece of advice I could give to a married couple to study Ellis’ ABC’s of REBT.  It is the logical continuation of possibility thinking (I wrote a series on that btw) Understanding that your spouse says and does things directly as a result of their beliefs might lessen the number of arguments you have.  For example, if you learn that your wife never got new shoes much, then you might understand her apprehension to buying your kids as many as you think they need.  That’s a simple example but this method can help you manage your money, sex-life, raising and disciplining of kids, etc.  Remember to think your arguments through and remember your ABC’s.

Got a method to your marriage that works for you?

I just read that 460 million vacation days went unused last year by American workers … no wonder we have so many mental problems in our country! To all those people so worried about missing work I say this: “Be responsible, go on vacation!” This post was inspired by a discussion at Loose Suits.

Of course people with jobs that don’t offer sick days, like freelance writers and the like, might not click on this article. Theirs is a different dilemma that I could discuss at length as well. Having said that, we are all faces with the importance of taking vacations. So if we know how important they are, why aren’t we taking them? In my opinion, folks with vacation days would be “sick” not to use them!

Any problems we have at work and at home will get worse if we don’t use our vacation days.

I look at vacation days as a time to regroup. It’s a time to get romantic with your spouse. Vacations are a time to find inspiration in even those “nothing” moments. How many times have I taken a simple walk in a new place and had tomes of inspiration flood into my mind. It can heal what you thought was impossible stress. I have written my best songs while taking vacation time.  It can be really tough to find the flights you desire, that’s why it is helpful to plan way ahead.  If it is a priority and you are willing to wait you will fare better!

Looking for timely new york flights is even harder than looking for cheap flights to germany. However the flights to thailand can be bought at the last minute too. This is true for a number of other flights as well.

I’ve been highly stressed out at work before. (hasn’t everybody?) It can feel like radioactive heat burning you up … it deserves you a day off. After a “mental health day” the heat goes away. I get fresh new ideas that ironically make me more valuable to my employer. What? More valuable by taking time off? Yes. It’s a time to sharpen my axe.

I think the paranoia many have of getting in trouble at work for taking sick days is unwise. People need to get over it and just take those vacation days like clockwork. It just might be the difference between a promotion or being written up for lack of productivity. The article I read on this was truly staggering. The best argument for this is simple: Look at pictures of your loved ones over the past few years. When you do so you will see just how fast this thing called a lifespan is passing by. Is work that important to Americans? Do people think a real man doesn’t call off work ever? Do that many Americans really think they are heroes for not taking a vacation? Getting any getaway locations in mind yet? I am. Here’s a place to buy your travel supplies. Enjoy.

Damien and Sarah are out buying and moving into a new house and I’ve been honored with a request to guest blog here at Postcards From The Funny Farm.

While Damien is so inspirational and thought provoking, I am so…RANTastic. I’ve tried to find a delicate balance between the two with my thoughts on the differences between houses and homes for my guest post.

What is a house? A house is just a never large enough building with a roof that hopefully doesn’t leak when it rains. There will be some doors that let you walk in and out to go to work every day so you can afford the mortgage payment, property taxes, insurance and everything inside the house that will break the minute you sign the closing papers.

Of course, the house doesn’t come with anything so you will also need a second mortgage and a part-time job to decorate and fill it with beautiful furniture so the kids have a place to spill their grape kool-aid.

It’s true.

So why would anyone want to buy one of these? They wouldn’t. No one wants to buy a house. People want to buy a home.

A home is very different than a house. It’s the place you can kick off your shoes and relax in your favorite comfy chair. It’s the place where your kids, spouse and dogs come running to the door to greet you. It’s where you live, you love and laugh.

Home is where you bring home new babies in baskets and then gradually turn into a basket case when it’s time to let them go. It’s the place where every little stain and hand print has a story that only the people who live there can tell. It’s the place where dinner, poster board homework projects and most importantly, memories are made.

A house is the location listed on a property deed. A home is where your heart is and where you belong.

And like my friend Dorothy says, there’s just no place like it.

Damien and Sarah,

May your walls be filled with laughter,
may it reach from floor to rafter.
May the roof keep out the rain,
may sunshine warm each windowpane.
And may the door be open wide
to let the Good Lord’s love inside.

Congratulations on your new home!

P. S. When the furnace starts making a terrible noise, I know a guy :)